Much has
been said about the benefits of breastfeeding but almost nothing about the
difficulties of it. Lactation consultants, books and websites all state there’s
no such thing as “No Milk”. As long as you nurse/pump regularly, milk will be
produced. “Demand equals supply” they always say. “The more you nurse/pump, the
more milk will be produced to meet that demand” they claimed. Even if one
hasn’t studied Economics, it’s common knowledge that supply doesn’t always meet
demand. Nor does demand always meet supply.
During
baby’s 1st week, she hardly peed or poo. The confinement lady was
worried and asked me to pump out my milk to see how much baby is drinking. I
only had 30ml. She said it’s probably isn’t enough and I should supplement each
nursing session with formula milk first while waiting for higher supply to kick
in. The first time baby had formula milk after I nursed her, she passed out
black poo (Meconium). By right she should have cleared the black poo by 3rd day
of birth, but that was on Day 6!
I belong to
the low supply group. No matter how often I nurse or what I eat, I could not
seem to meet her milk demands. It caused much unhappiness for us. I was often
frustrated and tired with the hourly nursing schedule while my baby wasn’t full
enough to take a nap after nursing. I was almost glued to the sofa as I nurse
for 30-40mins, rest 20-30mins and baby cries for milk again. When I couldn’t take
it anymore, I gave her formula milk after nursing. The first time I did it, my
baby gobbled down the whole bottle hungrily, gave a satisfied look and dozed
off for a long nap. It broke my heart. My insistence on total breastfeeding had
starved my baby instead. I thought maybe I should just go on full formula milk.
Didn’t we all grow up on formula milk anyway? I told my friend about my
difficulties and intention to stop, but encouraged by her words, I decided to carry on for 3 months.
Everyday I
looked forward to the end of 3 months. When 3rd month was close, I
thought maybe I can extend for another month. And maybe another month. Before I
realized it, I had breastfed for 6 months. I was probably used to the nursing
routine and enjoyed the special bonding between baby and me, that’s why I could
carry on. However at 6th month, I decided it’s time to stop. No more
extension. I was feeling very tired and falling sick often. That made me easily
irritable and I had no mood to interact with baby. All day I just think of
making her take naps so that I too, can take a nap.
It has been
3 months since I stopped. I do miss that special bonding but I’m still bonding
with my girl over toys, songs and lots of hugs. Although she suffers
constipation more often now (due to formula milk & semi-solids), she’s
otherwise very strong and healthy. I do not regret my decision nor feel too bad
about stopping whereas other mums can do so up to 1 year old or older. They are
efficient cows, I’m not. So why compare and make myself miserable?
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