Dahuang's gone! :(
My friend went to visit Dahuang a few days ago and it wasn't there anymore. The pet shop employee told him it was returned to the supplier. I felt very sad to hear that coz i have a bad feeling it might be put to sleep. Its skin problem will take a long time to heal and it has grown to a size comparable to that of a cat. Rabbits of that size will not be as popular as the small cuter ones, so it won't be sold easily. Instead of spending $$ to care for a sick rabbit which can't be sold easily, isn't it cheaper to kill it?
I hope Dahuang's still alive and be back at the pet shop soon or at SPCA / House Rabbit Society waiting for a good owner.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Bad service
Much has been said about the poor service standards of establishments in Singapore. Despite the many initiatives to improve the standards, I hardly see any improvement coz I had 2 unpleasant experiences within a week.
First was a trip to K-Box at Hougang Plaza on a weekend night. The place wasn't packed due to its ulu location. We estimated only about 10 rooms were in use & 5 staff were on duty that day. Less customers didn't mean better service. They took forever to prepare our drinks or refill the titbits and kept mixing up our drink orders. The compulsary $6 titbits was only refilled once despite constant reminder to do so. If you want to charge people so much for some peanuts, make sure you give them quantity worth their price! And the drinks? Twice they served us cold drinks when we ordered the hot version. Knowing it'll take forever for them to bring the correct drink, we made do with the wrong drinks. We don't mind the run-down place with sofas patched with masking tapes, but at least give us good service! My friend vowed never to go to this branch again.
The next incident was at Swensens (Bugis branch). We weren't given any plain water while the rest of the customers were. First the waitress taking order didn't serve it. Then the waitress serving the 1st dish didn't serve. Next another waitress who collected the plates didn't serve. The same waitress who served us earlier didn't serve us water when she brought the ice-cream later. When we noted that everyone else was served plain water the moment they sat down, we checked with 1 of the staff if plain water is chargeable (nope, it isn't). The male staff immediately apologized and promptly served us our plain water. When our ice-cream came, it had melted a little. And one of the ice-cream order was wrong. We're not sure if this is a serious lack in attentiveness of the waitresses or a case of racial discrimination. But this made us very pissed off with the service in the restaurant. We're never going to Bugis Swensens again!
Compared to the service I've experienced in Taiwan & Japan, Singapore sure has a long way to go!
First was a trip to K-Box at Hougang Plaza on a weekend night. The place wasn't packed due to its ulu location. We estimated only about 10 rooms were in use & 5 staff were on duty that day. Less customers didn't mean better service. They took forever to prepare our drinks or refill the titbits and kept mixing up our drink orders. The compulsary $6 titbits was only refilled once despite constant reminder to do so. If you want to charge people so much for some peanuts, make sure you give them quantity worth their price! And the drinks? Twice they served us cold drinks when we ordered the hot version. Knowing it'll take forever for them to bring the correct drink, we made do with the wrong drinks. We don't mind the run-down place with sofas patched with masking tapes, but at least give us good service! My friend vowed never to go to this branch again.
The next incident was at Swensens (Bugis branch). We weren't given any plain water while the rest of the customers were. First the waitress taking order didn't serve it. Then the waitress serving the 1st dish didn't serve. Next another waitress who collected the plates didn't serve. The same waitress who served us earlier didn't serve us water when she brought the ice-cream later. When we noted that everyone else was served plain water the moment they sat down, we checked with 1 of the staff if plain water is chargeable (nope, it isn't). The male staff immediately apologized and promptly served us our plain water. When our ice-cream came, it had melted a little. And one of the ice-cream order was wrong. We're not sure if this is a serious lack in attentiveness of the waitresses or a case of racial discrimination. But this made us very pissed off with the service in the restaurant. We're never going to Bugis Swensens again!
Compared to the service I've experienced in Taiwan & Japan, Singapore sure has a long way to go!
Friday, January 23, 2009
2nd last wk of work
This week's been rather crazy physically & emotionally.
On Monday I rushed down for interview after school. The night before my mind was filled with model answers to what I guess the interviewers would ask so I didn't sleep well. On Tuesday I met my friend for shopping & dinner after school and reached home at almost 11pm. There was a school excursion trip to the S'pore River on Wed. The trip was quite fun & educational but tiring due to the super hot weather. Back in school by 2pm and I went off to meet my friend for another round of shopping & dinner & visiting my "pet rabbit" till 11pm+. Quite happy I bought a cheerful pretty dress at Bugis Village for only $23.40! I guess all the walking made me very hungry and I over-ate that day and ended up vomiting at night. Knocked out by 11pm after taking medication for stomach problems.
In case you are wondering, my "pet rabbit" is that brown rabbit mentioned in my previous post. My poor little "大黄" is still under treatment for skin problem. He's been sick for 2 weeks. Apparently he's allegic to the bedding used and scratched his neck until it bled and the fur on it dropped off. I felt so sad to see him in that condition. During the visit on Wed, I managed to ask more about his condition from the vet on duty. She told me the air-con in the shop was spoilt for about a week and the warm conditions in the shop worsened his skin problem. She told me she couldn't sleep at night too coz her mind was on 大黄, especially coz he's losing weight despite eating normally. After the chat with her, I'm comforted to know he's under good care and will recover (though it takes time). She also assured me they will not send it to SPCA or put it to sleep if it isn't sold off. I wish I could cuddle 大黄 and tell him he'll be fine soon!
Tired from 2 consecutive nights of staying up late, I was quite short-tempered yesterday. It didn't help that I had 5 hours of Sec 1 English lessons at one go with a short 30mins break in between. The Sec 1 students are mostly monkeys with some showing traits of a monster. The 1st two classes in the morning were ok. After recess, the monkeys started their nonsense, causing me to be very frustrated & sarcastic. To me, if you aren't interested to learn, then your mind can switch off but don't disturb those who wants to learn. But all these irresponsible & selfish monkeys wanted the whole class to suffer. Many times I just stood there waiting for them to shut up. By the 4th lesson my throat was painful and I didn't have the voice to talk loudly and lost my patience with them.
The condemned Sec 1 repeat boy who wrote a written threat to me challenged me openly in class today. The school gave everyone chocolate coins for Chinese New Year and the students asked if they could eat it in class. I disallowed as it's part of the school rules. This condemned one remarked loudly he'll eat it in class and that I can go complain to the principal and see what happens coz he's not afraid. Although he tried to encourage the rest to eat it in class as an act of defiance against me, none did it. I'm not sure if they are afraid of getting into trouble or they dislike him too coz I heard he's been bullying his classmates. This monster has serious social problems. I hope he solves his problems through professional help soon or risk being hacked to death by gangs one day for his irritating behavior.
My only encouragement this week came from a Sec 1 boy in the same class as the condemned one who told me I'm the only teacher he respects. He didn't give me the reason why but I guessed it's because I'm usually cheerful during lessons, so much so that he asked me why I'm always smiling. He also asked me how I could tolerate the noise level, to which I answered I treat everyone as invisible. It isn't the best answer from a teacher but it made him laugh. When he was done with his work he told me "Miss Chan, I'm going into my own world for 30sec to be away from the noise." I think that's his way of telling me he's also going to treat everyone as invisible for a while.
Mon, Wed & Fri is my time with the upper Sec monsters. Today's lesson with the Sec 3 was frustrating. There's this fat asshole who causes trouble for us at every lesson. Today's no exception. I don't know why the moment I stepped into class, he spouted vulgarities in between asking where my co-teacher is. Then he stood very close up in front of me, challenging me to a 1-to-1 fight. I just ignored him and secretly hoped that he'll be beaten to death one day.
None of monsters paid attention during previous lessons and couldn't do the worksheet today. And only a handful of them brought their textbook. When we were at the computer lab, those idiots defied instructions and kept chatting on msn, play games, surf internet. When warnings failed, I switched off the monitor, but the moment i walked off, they switched it on. I was so fed up I just switched off the CPU or the main switch. That's when I would hear even more vulgarities. Out of a class of 34, there were only about 4 students who listened and did their work diligently during lesson. The rest? Condemned.
There's this very grouchy teacher in school who hardly smiles and treated me as invisible when we were doing group discussion on my first day of work. I don't know what's her problem then. Now I think I know why. She complains about the students everyday. I could feel her frustrations with the monsters through her daily complaints. She always say things like "What do they think they are?! So rude, say all the vulgarities! Give up on these people! I can't spend time on these trouble-makers and ignore those who wants to learn!!"
I feel the same too. Why waste time on people who don't want to learn at the expense of those who wants to learn? If you aren't interested to learn, so be it. At the end of the day it's your own problem when you fail your exams. If you want to act like a hooligan and offend others and get beaten up, hacked to death or sent to prison, it's also not my problem. That's the attitude I have towards these scums of society. And that's why I know I'm not suitable to teach because I don't want to try loving these scums. It's better for me to leave teaching for the sake of the students and myself. May they meet better teachers who love them for who they are.
Finally it's the long-awaited weekend. 3 more days of teaching to go next week and I'm released from hell!
On Monday I rushed down for interview after school. The night before my mind was filled with model answers to what I guess the interviewers would ask so I didn't sleep well. On Tuesday I met my friend for shopping & dinner after school and reached home at almost 11pm. There was a school excursion trip to the S'pore River on Wed. The trip was quite fun & educational but tiring due to the super hot weather. Back in school by 2pm and I went off to meet my friend for another round of shopping & dinner & visiting my "pet rabbit" till 11pm+. Quite happy I bought a cheerful pretty dress at Bugis Village for only $23.40! I guess all the walking made me very hungry and I over-ate that day and ended up vomiting at night. Knocked out by 11pm after taking medication for stomach problems.
In case you are wondering, my "pet rabbit" is that brown rabbit mentioned in my previous post. My poor little "大黄" is still under treatment for skin problem. He's been sick for 2 weeks. Apparently he's allegic to the bedding used and scratched his neck until it bled and the fur on it dropped off. I felt so sad to see him in that condition. During the visit on Wed, I managed to ask more about his condition from the vet on duty. She told me the air-con in the shop was spoilt for about a week and the warm conditions in the shop worsened his skin problem. She told me she couldn't sleep at night too coz her mind was on 大黄, especially coz he's losing weight despite eating normally. After the chat with her, I'm comforted to know he's under good care and will recover (though it takes time). She also assured me they will not send it to SPCA or put it to sleep if it isn't sold off. I wish I could cuddle 大黄 and tell him he'll be fine soon!
Tired from 2 consecutive nights of staying up late, I was quite short-tempered yesterday. It didn't help that I had 5 hours of Sec 1 English lessons at one go with a short 30mins break in between. The Sec 1 students are mostly monkeys with some showing traits of a monster. The 1st two classes in the morning were ok. After recess, the monkeys started their nonsense, causing me to be very frustrated & sarcastic. To me, if you aren't interested to learn, then your mind can switch off but don't disturb those who wants to learn. But all these irresponsible & selfish monkeys wanted the whole class to suffer. Many times I just stood there waiting for them to shut up. By the 4th lesson my throat was painful and I didn't have the voice to talk loudly and lost my patience with them.
The condemned Sec 1 repeat boy who wrote a written threat to me challenged me openly in class today. The school gave everyone chocolate coins for Chinese New Year and the students asked if they could eat it in class. I disallowed as it's part of the school rules. This condemned one remarked loudly he'll eat it in class and that I can go complain to the principal and see what happens coz he's not afraid. Although he tried to encourage the rest to eat it in class as an act of defiance against me, none did it. I'm not sure if they are afraid of getting into trouble or they dislike him too coz I heard he's been bullying his classmates. This monster has serious social problems. I hope he solves his problems through professional help soon or risk being hacked to death by gangs one day for his irritating behavior.
My only encouragement this week came from a Sec 1 boy in the same class as the condemned one who told me I'm the only teacher he respects. He didn't give me the reason why but I guessed it's because I'm usually cheerful during lessons, so much so that he asked me why I'm always smiling. He also asked me how I could tolerate the noise level, to which I answered I treat everyone as invisible. It isn't the best answer from a teacher but it made him laugh. When he was done with his work he told me "Miss Chan, I'm going into my own world for 30sec to be away from the noise." I think that's his way of telling me he's also going to treat everyone as invisible for a while.
Mon, Wed & Fri is my time with the upper Sec monsters. Today's lesson with the Sec 3 was frustrating. There's this fat asshole who causes trouble for us at every lesson. Today's no exception. I don't know why the moment I stepped into class, he spouted vulgarities in between asking where my co-teacher is. Then he stood very close up in front of me, challenging me to a 1-to-1 fight. I just ignored him and secretly hoped that he'll be beaten to death one day.
None of monsters paid attention during previous lessons and couldn't do the worksheet today. And only a handful of them brought their textbook. When we were at the computer lab, those idiots defied instructions and kept chatting on msn, play games, surf internet. When warnings failed, I switched off the monitor, but the moment i walked off, they switched it on. I was so fed up I just switched off the CPU or the main switch. That's when I would hear even more vulgarities. Out of a class of 34, there were only about 4 students who listened and did their work diligently during lesson. The rest? Condemned.
There's this very grouchy teacher in school who hardly smiles and treated me as invisible when we were doing group discussion on my first day of work. I don't know what's her problem then. Now I think I know why. She complains about the students everyday. I could feel her frustrations with the monsters through her daily complaints. She always say things like "What do they think they are?! So rude, say all the vulgarities! Give up on these people! I can't spend time on these trouble-makers and ignore those who wants to learn!!"
I feel the same too. Why waste time on people who don't want to learn at the expense of those who wants to learn? If you aren't interested to learn, so be it. At the end of the day it's your own problem when you fail your exams. If you want to act like a hooligan and offend others and get beaten up, hacked to death or sent to prison, it's also not my problem. That's the attitude I have towards these scums of society. And that's why I know I'm not suitable to teach because I don't want to try loving these scums. It's better for me to leave teaching for the sake of the students and myself. May they meet better teachers who love them for who they are.
Finally it's the long-awaited weekend. 3 more days of teaching to go next week and I'm released from hell!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Found a job!
The company I went to for interview yesterday offered me the job today. Though the salary is lower than what I hope for, overall the renumeration package & benefits are quite ok. Plus I get to learn new things as it's a different industry even though it's still HR work. Most importantly it's a path back to HR. Starting work on 2nd Feb, 2 days after my last day with the school. Good for me as it keeps my momentum going!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Job hunting again
Shocking news! I've tendered my resignation 1 week after I started work at school!
From my previous posts, it's obvious that I'm very unhappy at work. Over the weekend I thought through carefully. "Do I want to be doing this for the next 10-20 years? Do I want to be shouting at students & getting angry every other hour & day for the next few years?" I used to scold students in the primary school too but it wasn't as bad as this. Initially I thought maybe I'm a new teacher and the students wanted to test my limit. But after observing how senior teachers manage (they too shout & get angry at the students often) & condemn the students, I'm sure I don't want to do that for the rest of my working life. Adults in the commercial world are just as irritating or more difficult to handle but at least they don't come and anger me everyday unlike the situation in school.
I started job-hunting the day I tendered. Progress isn't good but I managed to get an interview today. Not sure if I'll get an offer coz my asking is rather high though my experience isn't quite there yet. My teaching job paid me so well that I've to suffer a big pay cut to return to the private sector.
Compared to my job-hunting last year, I feel more enthusiastic and ready this year. I guess 2 weeks of waking up early & teaching has warmed up my engine. I'm now more eager to learn & do lots of work and ready to face new challenges in the workplace. I don't want to be jobless and 'wandering around' aimlessly again.
Hope I impress potential employers enough to receive good job offers despite the gloomy economy!
From my previous posts, it's obvious that I'm very unhappy at work. Over the weekend I thought through carefully. "Do I want to be doing this for the next 10-20 years? Do I want to be shouting at students & getting angry every other hour & day for the next few years?" I used to scold students in the primary school too but it wasn't as bad as this. Initially I thought maybe I'm a new teacher and the students wanted to test my limit. But after observing how senior teachers manage (they too shout & get angry at the students often) & condemn the students, I'm sure I don't want to do that for the rest of my working life. Adults in the commercial world are just as irritating or more difficult to handle but at least they don't come and anger me everyday unlike the situation in school.
I started job-hunting the day I tendered. Progress isn't good but I managed to get an interview today. Not sure if I'll get an offer coz my asking is rather high though my experience isn't quite there yet. My teaching job paid me so well that I've to suffer a big pay cut to return to the private sector.
Compared to my job-hunting last year, I feel more enthusiastic and ready this year. I guess 2 weeks of waking up early & teaching has warmed up my engine. I'm now more eager to learn & do lots of work and ready to face new challenges in the workplace. I don't want to be jobless and 'wandering around' aimlessly again.
Hope I impress potential employers enough to receive good job offers despite the gloomy economy!
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Threats
Today's the 1st lesson with 1 of my sec one class. I went in smiling & tried to be friendly. However half-way through I lost my patience with a trouble-maker who couldn't sit still during lesson and later refused to stand up to do a presentation. I gave up & skipped the rest of the class presentation. I told them to write an essay.
Instead of the topic, he wrote about how much he hated me and threatened to slap me if I 'tu lan' (anger) him again. It's a good thing I read the essay during my break coz I bet he was waiting to see my expression on reading it in class. I think after 2 days of nonsense at school, I've become immuned to them. I wasn't angry or upset about why he wrote that, I just circled the title & commented that the topic and content's wrong and he should re-write. And I told him that in the 2nd class with a normal talking tone. (2 lessons for same class tdy) He didn't bother to re-write and I couldn't be bothered with him. He walked around the class almost throughout the lesson again. After a few polite but stern requests to get him back to his seat failed, I treated him as invisible. That made life better for me & the rest of the class too.
I didn't report this to the discipline master. I want to give him a 2nd chance. But if he tries to threaten me again, he can sure I will report not only to the discipline master, but to the police as well.
I finally understand why school teachers always have that 'no-nonsense' look on their face, why they seldom smile and why they are always condemning certain groups of students. With the monsters they have to deal with, it's no surprise that they are turning into witches themselves.
Instead of the topic, he wrote about how much he hated me and threatened to slap me if I 'tu lan' (anger) him again. It's a good thing I read the essay during my break coz I bet he was waiting to see my expression on reading it in class. I think after 2 days of nonsense at school, I've become immuned to them. I wasn't angry or upset about why he wrote that, I just circled the title & commented that the topic and content's wrong and he should re-write. And I told him that in the 2nd class with a normal talking tone. (2 lessons for same class tdy) He didn't bother to re-write and I couldn't be bothered with him. He walked around the class almost throughout the lesson again. After a few polite but stern requests to get him back to his seat failed, I treated him as invisible. That made life better for me & the rest of the class too.
I didn't report this to the discipline master. I want to give him a 2nd chance. But if he tries to threaten me again, he can sure I will report not only to the discipline master, but to the police as well.
I finally understand why school teachers always have that 'no-nonsense' look on their face, why they seldom smile and why they are always condemning certain groups of students. With the monsters they have to deal with, it's no surprise that they are turning into witches themselves.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
2 days only?
That's how I felt this afternoon after the last class of my 2nd day of teaching. No monsters irritated me today. However I can't find the passion to teach, not even to the 'still angelic' Sec. 1 kids. I find myself looking at my watch & clock constantly, waiting for class to end, waiting for time to go home. I dread going to school tomorrow. The counting down to weekend seems to take forever. SIANZ.....
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Bad start at work
When things weren't quite right on my 1st day of work last week, I should have known it's a bad omen for the weeks to come. I couldn't sleep last night as today's my official start at school. I was very worried about my timetable (which I only received this morning) and the classes I will be teaching. With 2 years of teaching experience in the Japanese school, I thought I will be able to handle the classes today. I was totally wrong.
I had only 2 classes today. Both are co-teach subjects where I will assist the trained teacher in class. My partner for the 1st class had to attend to some matters so I took the class on my own. It was a big culture shock to me. A nightmare.
A class full of 'ah bengs' & 'ah lians' whom I wish to cane & kick & throw dusters at. They ignored my presence almost totally. When I was writing on the board, some walked around freely, a couple of them opened the door to peep outside, the rest did their own things. Despite stern looks & tone, they weren't the least afraid and continued with their nonsense. Only a couple of them followed the lesson but they were lost most of the time due to all the distraction in class. I don't know how I managed to last thru the whole lesson.
The 2nd class was slightly better because the teacher has taught that group of bengs & lians for 3 years. But she also lost her temper & scolded some bengs for misbehavior. She used threats & sarcasm on some but it was only effective in keeping them quiet for 5 minutes. When I saw how she handled the class, I admired her ways of doing it. And when I think of how many years she's been teaching them, I salute her in my mind.
Compared to the monsters above, those little rascals in the Jap school whom I used to complain about seem like angels to me now. I believe many of the monsters come from broken families or have parents who are too busy to care or they mixed with the wrong people. The lecturer at the training workshop told us to 'love them' and when they like you, they will listen to you. I really can't make myself like them. I only see myself hitting their head & faces with a stick repeatedly with force now. It's like I want to kill them.
I've had those murderous visions when I first started out teaching a P3 class in the Jap school. And also when I had an irritating P5 boy the following year. However those kids usually responded to my stern warnings after some time. Plus there are usually only 1-2 such rascals in each class. Now we're talking about 30 monsters in a class of 35 humans.
I usually don't think of quitting after a day of work. Now I do. I can persevere on for a few months, but few years is impossible. Almost all the teachers tell me not to be too friendly with these students. They said I need to be stern until I build a rapport with them. But looking at the teacher in my 2nd class, having a rapport still required stern scoldings. I don't want to feel like I'm going for a battle everyday. I don't want to put on a fierce front and get angry everyday. I feel I'm not cut out for such battles. Although I want to teach & nurture the young, I'm not capable enough to handle monsters.
I had only 2 classes today. Both are co-teach subjects where I will assist the trained teacher in class. My partner for the 1st class had to attend to some matters so I took the class on my own. It was a big culture shock to me. A nightmare.
A class full of 'ah bengs' & 'ah lians' whom I wish to cane & kick & throw dusters at. They ignored my presence almost totally. When I was writing on the board, some walked around freely, a couple of them opened the door to peep outside, the rest did their own things. Despite stern looks & tone, they weren't the least afraid and continued with their nonsense. Only a couple of them followed the lesson but they were lost most of the time due to all the distraction in class. I don't know how I managed to last thru the whole lesson.
The 2nd class was slightly better because the teacher has taught that group of bengs & lians for 3 years. But she also lost her temper & scolded some bengs for misbehavior. She used threats & sarcasm on some but it was only effective in keeping them quiet for 5 minutes. When I saw how she handled the class, I admired her ways of doing it. And when I think of how many years she's been teaching them, I salute her in my mind.
Compared to the monsters above, those little rascals in the Jap school whom I used to complain about seem like angels to me now. I believe many of the monsters come from broken families or have parents who are too busy to care or they mixed with the wrong people. The lecturer at the training workshop told us to 'love them' and when they like you, they will listen to you. I really can't make myself like them. I only see myself hitting their head & faces with a stick repeatedly with force now. It's like I want to kill them.
I've had those murderous visions when I first started out teaching a P3 class in the Jap school. And also when I had an irritating P5 boy the following year. However those kids usually responded to my stern warnings after some time. Plus there are usually only 1-2 such rascals in each class. Now we're talking about 30 monsters in a class of 35 humans.
I usually don't think of quitting after a day of work. Now I do. I can persevere on for a few months, but few years is impossible. Almost all the teachers tell me not to be too friendly with these students. They said I need to be stern until I build a rapport with them. But looking at the teacher in my 2nd class, having a rapport still required stern scoldings. I don't want to feel like I'm going for a battle everyday. I don't want to put on a fierce front and get angry everyday. I feel I'm not cut out for such battles. Although I want to teach & nurture the young, I'm not capable enough to handle monsters.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Proposal styles
Yesterday my 2 girlfriends and I met up for lunch & kopi in town. It was a session to catch up on what's happening in our lives coz we've not met up together for almost a year after 1 of them went overseas for studies.
At our age, love & marriage is a regular topic among us. This round we talked about how my friend's colleague took leave to apply for a flat without a marriage proposal and is still expecting one. My friend's reaction was "to apply for a flat means to marry leh, that's like agreeing to his proposal lor". Her colleague replied that he asked her if she wants to apply for a flat and she agreed, but it doesn't represent a marriage proposal. But my friend disagreed coz you have to show your marriage cert within 3 mths upon getting a flat, so agreeing to apply for a flat means agreeing to marry him, so that is a proposal already.
I think we are quite influenced by TV shows/movies/news on how guys propose marriage in romantic ways to that special girl. So we end up dreaming about how nice it would be if a guy propose to us in a romantic manner. However in reality, esp in S'pore, does it really happen? I've read in an article before about how S'porean guys propose. Many couples said there's no proposal, or rather the proposal is just popping the statement "let's apply for a flat" during a conversation.
So now the question is, "Is there a need to do a marriage proposal?"
Should the guy be asking "Will you marry me?" instead of "Want to apply for a flat?"
It may mean the same to some since the outcome for both is marriage, but we had a good discussion about its meaning & feelings behind the questions.
1 girlfriend said there's not really a need to propose coz the couple is already dating and will eventually marry, so a proposal is just something extra for the romantic effect. Without it they will still get married. Asking to apply for a flat is just the first step towards getting married.
My other girlfriend & I disagreed. We feel that the effort used in planning a proposal, from buying of ring/flowers to thinking of the venue and 'speech' lines shows how much the guy wants to be with the gal. It shows that although it's more or less confirmed she'll marry him even without a proposal, doing that extra step shows his sincerity & wish to want her to be with him forever. By missing that step, it's like taking for granted that she will marry him, that she is his already, with or without proposal. We feel the 'apply flat' issue should be discussed after she agrees to marry and not be the indirect proposal question.
I used to have the thinking that if both parties are in love and ready to marry, there is no need for a proposal. It's just for show, for the girl to boast about how romantic her bf was when proposing and also earn a stone. My thinking has since changed. Now I want the guy to pop me the question (Not the apply flat wan lah!!) when he's ready for marriage. And his proposal has to make me feel he truly wants to make me his wife and let me feel special and loved. Of coz I'll be thrilled to receive things I like along with the proposal, e.g flowers, soft-toys etc. Or a necklace or bracelet. A ring is not a must coz I don't really like rings though I don't have a choice if it's a wedding band!
At our age, love & marriage is a regular topic among us. This round we talked about how my friend's colleague took leave to apply for a flat without a marriage proposal and is still expecting one. My friend's reaction was "to apply for a flat means to marry leh, that's like agreeing to his proposal lor". Her colleague replied that he asked her if she wants to apply for a flat and she agreed, but it doesn't represent a marriage proposal. But my friend disagreed coz you have to show your marriage cert within 3 mths upon getting a flat, so agreeing to apply for a flat means agreeing to marry him, so that is a proposal already.
I think we are quite influenced by TV shows/movies/news on how guys propose marriage in romantic ways to that special girl. So we end up dreaming about how nice it would be if a guy propose to us in a romantic manner. However in reality, esp in S'pore, does it really happen? I've read in an article before about how S'porean guys propose. Many couples said there's no proposal, or rather the proposal is just popping the statement "let's apply for a flat" during a conversation.
So now the question is, "Is there a need to do a marriage proposal?"
Should the guy be asking "Will you marry me?" instead of "Want to apply for a flat?"
It may mean the same to some since the outcome for both is marriage, but we had a good discussion about its meaning & feelings behind the questions.
1 girlfriend said there's not really a need to propose coz the couple is already dating and will eventually marry, so a proposal is just something extra for the romantic effect. Without it they will still get married. Asking to apply for a flat is just the first step towards getting married.
My other girlfriend & I disagreed. We feel that the effort used in planning a proposal, from buying of ring/flowers to thinking of the venue and 'speech' lines shows how much the guy wants to be with the gal. It shows that although it's more or less confirmed she'll marry him even without a proposal, doing that extra step shows his sincerity & wish to want her to be with him forever. By missing that step, it's like taking for granted that she will marry him, that she is his already, with or without proposal. We feel the 'apply flat' issue should be discussed after she agrees to marry and not be the indirect proposal question.
I used to have the thinking that if both parties are in love and ready to marry, there is no need for a proposal. It's just for show, for the girl to boast about how romantic her bf was when proposing and also earn a stone. My thinking has since changed. Now I want the guy to pop me the question (Not the apply flat wan lah!!) when he's ready for marriage. And his proposal has to make me feel he truly wants to make me his wife and let me feel special and loved. Of coz I'll be thrilled to receive things I like along with the proposal, e.g flowers, soft-toys etc. Or a necklace or bracelet. A ring is not a must coz I don't really like rings though I don't have a choice if it's a wedding band!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)