McDonalds ~ I'm lovin' it

I wrote about my thots on working temp @McDonalds in Japan months back.... just sharing it with everyone now..

Am I loving it? Hmm…I’m not too sure…but I sure love the fries!I had a fair share fun & unhappiness at McDonalds. The money & job wasn’t that good but it beats surviving on savings. Can’t believe that I stayed on for 11.5 months when I wanted so much to quit during my 1st month there.

What’s the image of working in McDonalds? Almost everyone who knew about my job laughed about it. “Ah, so u’d get free burgers & fries?” “Do u say Good morning, may I have your order please?” etc. To set the record straight, there’s no freebies that comes with working here, tho depending on the manager on duty, we do get free food (it’s illegal!) sometimes. And I was based in the kitchen only since I can’t speak Jap well.

Why McDonalds? Not many would want to work for McDonalds in Spore, and I guess it’s the same for Japan, based on how poor their recruitment response is. I wanted a job near home with flexible hours so that I could have the time to study, and McDonalds fitted the bill then.

Armed with the standard phone conversation lines learnt in class, I called for an interview. Didn’t understand what she was saying, but managed to catch the date & time of interview anyway. I was so worried about the interview ~ practiced the standard interview lines we learnt in class umpteen times.Failed big time for the interview. The interviewer was speaking at Shinkansen speed while I was processing her lines at snail’s pace. Was like chicken & duck talk but somehow things worked out. The funny part’s that when she offered me the job, I didn’t even know coz I didn’t understand her! I wonder why she offered me the job then but am glad for the chance anyway.

Started work during the 1st week of January. Fresh start of the year or beginning of 11.5 mths of misery? To begin with, I’m a little princess at home. Household chores were rare tho staying alone now meant I had to do it, but 4 hours of washing at the sink? Well, that’s “Closing” at McDonalds ~ tonnes of washing. In addition, there’s the dreadful “Grill-down” which meant cleaning the grill plate. The first time I saw my colleague do it, I was a little concerned about the safety of it. He donned thick rubber gloves and put on those big plastic mask over his face like some firefighter and when he poured the cleaning detergent onto the grill, there were fumes… scary…From taking ages to do it coz I was so afraid of being scalded, to doing it within minutes w/o the use of the mask…I’ve come a long way man...(but I still dread it!) And washing / other cleaning duties? It’s something that I’ve learnt to like coz at least it’s a dead job.

Learning to make burgers was a little tough. I rarely eat burgers so remembering what’s in each type of burger was tough. Being Ms Blur, I made burgers using either the wrong meat or the wrong sauce! My classic cases? Bacon burger w/o the bacon or cheese burger w/o the cheese! Hahaha…luckily these mistakes were corrected on time! I hardly had the chance to do hands-on practice in the beginning as the assembly line was dominated by the seniors. I could only watch how they do it while I toast trays of buns. So I cherished every opportunity during closing slots to learn how to make the burgers.

In the beginning, McDonalds went by the stock method of making burgers, i.e. warming up the pre-made burger when there’s an order for it. When there’s no stock, the counter person would shout the order and we’ve to make it. Now, that’s a challenge. Their use of Katakana drove me nutz. “Nuggets” was pronounced as “Na-get-toe”. “Hamburger” was “Ba- Gar-“. “Cheese” was “chee- su”. I had problems understanding their order ~ took me ages to be used to the Japanese version of English. And they had problems understanding my English version of Katakana too…hahaha… To make things worse, they would often shout the list of orders non-stop as if we’ve a computer memory to remember them! Things finally became better when they went by the receipt method of making burgers in April coz the code used was English abbrev.

What’s toughest about the job was the environment. It was very intimidating ~ being the only foreigner there, hardly understanding what everyone said and made worse by the fact that the kitchen was male-dominated. I never considered those factors then. I was so enthusiastic to start work, to interact with the Japanese ~ so it came as a shock for me. Besides the managers and a few crew, the rest were either indifferent towards me or hostile. Some took every opportunity to pick on me, while others discreetly tried to help. My manager probably sensed it, coz she would often ask whether I’m ok, whether I’d cry at home after work. (of course not! But I was pretty affected by it…)

During peak periods, I was doing all the bits & ends of jobs ~ toasting buns, mopping floor etc… Felt very helpless when everyone’s busy while I’m idling coz I’m done with my work and can’t find anything else to do. They would often talk among themselves and it was quite difficult for me to join in the conversation. So I became the outcast there. It was emotionally tough then. I wanted very much to quit. But I didn’t want to just give up like this. So I decided to make the best out of the situation & since I’m the outcast, I might as well enjoy it as being in my own world…so music flowed in my mind at work, shutting out all unhappiness. Whenever they picked on me on anything, I’d remember it & make sure there’s no chance for them to do so a 2nd time.I’m lucky I had very nice managers & other co-workers who made life better.

Together with Evelyn, we gave them nicknames (of course w/o them knowing!) ;p There’s “Kodomo” who patiently taught me the basics & was always there to help me, and taught me the Kansai-ben ~ He’s a very crazy guy so it’s always very lively and fun at work when he’s around. But he was transferred away when his relationship with “Ice-queen” ended badly and they couldn’t work together.Then there’s “Chao-geng” who always joked and tried to speak English. His favorite question in English was “I’m a nice guy. Is Ak-kun (another mgr) a nice guy?” My response was always “No comments” and he’d start laughing at Ak-kun who’d be very embarrassed. And we liked to enact a particular advert that was shown then: “Chicken please. FISH ONLY” In exchange for teaching him English, he taught me Japanese. Two words he taught me were: “Ki-ai” (spirit) & “Kon-jyou” (willpower/fighting spirit). He said those 2 are “good words” (tho the rest of the crew thot otherwise!) and he often tested me on it. It was fun to have him around but he left in May. Another nice manager’s “O-xiang” who’s every gal’s dream boyfriend – boyish looks, smart, degree holder. But too young for me lah! He’s a workaholic and always full of zest. But he’s quite strict and rigid sometimes.

The female managers were often based at the counter, but do help out in the kitchen sometimes. The manager who interviewed me left in April. She’s nice but fierce ~ my stress level shot up with her around! Seems like the rest felt the same about her too since they joked less with her around.There’s the very pretty “Ice-queen” who has the most extreme mood swings but she’s very steady at work. Orders kept coming in but she kept her cool and did the orders steadily ~ if it’s the male managers, they’d be working on panic mode.And there’s “Sayuri”, “Nao” & “Ayumi” (not nicknames lah!) ~ very sweet & nice gals. They are based at the counter, but when there’re no customers we do chat a little. I enjoy reading what they write in the crew communication book ~ they share very sisterly bonds.

My favourite manager’s “San-ba” who’s very flexible, fun and caring. At times when I was down with personal problems, she’d try to encourage me. And doing openings/closings with her was the best ~ guaranteed freebies, be it drinks or burgers. Hmm… brings back memories of my last day of work. She was quite quiet in the morning when I came in, then she said something like “cannot cry ah!” and kept saying it’s sad that I’m leaving already. When it was finally time for me to go, she started crying. Haiz… seeing her in tears, I lost control too.

I remember my tutor telling us that it’s the “norm” to cry at graduations/farewells, that a person’s deemed weird if he/she doesn’t cry. At that time, I felt it was all so fake ~ crying for the sake of it. But now that I’ve been thru it myself, I realize that sometimes we just can’t help it! Well, we’d meet up again before I depart for Spore ~ gona drink to our hearts’ content.

After 3 months of work, I was finally “accepted” into the “McDonald’s family” in April when they invited me to a birthday celebration. At the celebration, tho I was “lost” half the time, I enjoyed observing the group. The gals/guys cliqued separately tho they behaved “without barriers” ~ feeding each other, close contact etc. I was a little taken aback when “Kodomo” wanted to feed me his birthday cake ~ “Ice-queen” laughed her head off when I told him I can eat it myself. They must be thinking this Sporean is weird. After this were a few more karaoke parties in May/June. The managers and crew just went crazy at those parties…very fun indeed. Tho it struck Eve & I that we are really old ~ like 2 aunties interacting with the youngsters...

The work environment improved after the bday party in April ~ and also partly because the whole bunch of seniors left around the same period. Nobody to pick on me & I had more opportunities to “hone my skills” in burger making. But sometimes the outlet boss would come and “help” (read: being extra!!) and he’d pick on us. It’s really irritating coz he’s more of a hindrance than help and yet he still wants to throw his weight around!

In came a few newcomers too, including Evelyn.It’s interesting to observe how the newcomers were being treated. Some managers simply just had to pick on them. What pissed me off sometimes were the double standards of managers. And the managers themselves being guilty of the same “mistake” that they had picked on the newcomers.

Goodness…I can go on and on bitching about the people at McDonalds…Used to bitch with Evelyn after work… better make a stop now huh? ;pHmm…overall feeling? I’m so glad it’s over. It’s goodbye to rough, peeling hands, oil scalds and “burnt weekends”. Working at weekend/public holiday lunch-slots was a killer and I always got that slot :( It messes up the whole weekend ~ No mood to study in the morning b4 work, and too tired after work to study, and lunch becomes high tea /dinner or no proper meals, so I’d just rot my weekend away. But it’s more interesting than working those boring afternoon/evening slots coz there’s nothing much to do and yet everyone had to act bz! Sometimes I wonder why I’m wasting my time there.

My lowest points in McDonalds were the Jan – Mar and July – Aug periods. Totally exhausted during April – June (tho it’s my happiest times there) and didn’t have much energy left for the following months. In addition, my personal problems in July made me too depressed to do anything. Sept – Oct was madness, worked like siao. It was much more exhausting than any other periods. I would be very stoned after work, yet can’t get to sleep so I ended up very tired and the vicious cycle went on. Sighz, it’s either because I’m old already, or because when a job becomes too routine, one becomes tired easily. I admire the rest who could do 4 + 4 hours shift there, and those who worked more than 4 hours almost every day there. I dun have that much energy! So I’m glad I’m “protected” by the work visa of 4 hours limit/day tho it meant I could earn less..

Am I lovin’ it? Now that I’ve thought thru it all…ya… maybe I do love it after all. It was a good experience. Observed and learnt a lot more than what books say about the Japanese culture. And I’ve made many friends there.

Today’s the first weekend since I quitted. Feels good to be able to sleep late, relax at home doing nothing ~ I certainly dun miss working!! Who does anyway? ;p

Bao – 21 Nov 2004

Heartbreaks in a foreign land

This was written months after my last heartbreak. I didn't feel sad about it anymore at that time.....just wanted to write my thots down.....to know what i was thinking then, to remind myself not to get myself into such a mess....and laugh at my own foolishness....

It’s tough to go thru heartbreaks…and I went thru 2 in a year in a foreign land. For both, I saw it coming but went for it anyway. Plain silly? Or too hopeful for miracles? I had always believed in loving a person and showering him with all my love & support. And I believed in letting a person know my feelings whether he reciprocates or not, coz it’s a blessing to be loved. I didn’t want to regret in future, wondering “what if …?” if I had reserved my feelings. But after these 2 heartbreaks… maybe I should reserve my feelings after all. When I’m too nice, they just take me for granted, and I end up being hurt most.

The 1st heartbreak was in Jan. The jerk and I was on a very vague 5-yrs on/off relationship. When I left for Japan, I held on to the hope that by the time I return, things can eventually work out between us since he’d be returning from Germany too. He called me almost every week no matter how short the call was. I was really looking forward to him coming over to Japan in Dec then. He was so serious about it, tho I had my doubts about his sincerity. Yet deep down in my heart, I was still hoping for a miracle.Well, as expected, he “disappeared” in Dec, reappearing in Jan without any mention of the proposed Japan trip. Then he dropped the bomb that he went overseas with someone else he liked in Dec. My heart sank. And that jerk, he obviously had intention of leading me on rite from the beginning. ‘Coz before telling me about that gal, he kept seeking my assurance that no matter what happened, we’d still maintain contact etc... And why did that jerk tell me about her? Well, he was experiencing problems with her, and wanted my support & advice.

Great...10 yrs of friendship, and he’s never mentioned the existence of this lady whom he’s been dating for almost a yr.Seeing him so upset, I didn’t bear to turn him away, so gave him some advice & encouragement. But that was it ~ the last time I’m gona be there for him. There’s a limit to my tolerance. I tried to shut him out of my life after that call (and he didn’t call me again after that anyway), until 4 months later when I saw him online again. Duno what came over me, but I decided to give him a piece of my mind.

Bombarded him with questions, and told him off ~ it’s obvious that I was really pissed off with him, but he tried to act blur, tried to avoid the topic, hinting that I’m probably in a bad mood. But no, I knew what I was doing. I finally found the courage to tell him it’s all over, that I no longer wish to have anything to do with him, not even as friends. We’ve had wonderful memories together…tho there were much more upsetting memories, but time has since healed it. It’s very difficult for me to end this but I had to do it. I needed a closure to all these in order to move on.

During Chinese New Year, Eve’s sister told her that if we throw 2 mandarin oranges into a river, and making a wish on our future partners, our wish will be answered. I had just suffered the blow from that jerk, so I thot… “no harm being superstitious for once”… so 2 of us crazy Sporeans went to throw oranges into a lake coz the river was too far ;p Eve wished for her current bf then (but kept it a secret until she really ended with him recently). I was vague coz I had no one in mind ~ just wished for someone who’d love me sincerely and treat me well. Probably that’s why being so vague, I’m still single! Hahahaa ;p

I had a summer romance (read: heartbreak) here. He’s probably a rebound from the jerk. And probably because I was still recovering from the jerk’s incident, I handled the whole thing very badly. Goodness… I was almost slipping into depression then. I’m glad to have friends who were there for me ~ Jaycee, despite being bz at work, talked to me online everyday. Eve, who made the effort to spend more time with me during this period. Liyuen, who checked on me every now & then. Without them, going thru this would have been really tough.Now that I look back, I find the whole affair very amusing. But I dun regret what I did. Even if it was a rebound, I did have some feelings for him, be a crush or not.

He’s one of the first few friends I befriended here. Very shy guy but quite funny at times. We were neighbours and we spent a lot of time together. The first 6 months was the happiest of all ~ often cooked & had dinner together, watched DVDs together, chatted till late nite and teaching him Chinese & piano. And all these were before the bomb from that jerk & my conclusion with him. I guess we were all lonely then and enjoyed having a companion with no strings attached.He moved out in April and I felt a sense of loss. We still met in school, talked occasionally and still had parties often. I was really happy to have him around.

After much consideration, I decided to give this a try. If it works out well, good. If not, just too bad. But he was gona return to Korea in October ~ leaving us with 3 months if things do work out. To me, time & location isn’t really a big factor. There’re people who maintain their relationship for years despite being miles apart, and people who break up even though they live in the same country. Either way, it depends on the couple’s will to keep it going. Because he’s so shy, he’d probably never make the first move even if he did liked me. Fine, I shall do it then.

First checked out his opinions on relationships etc ~ he was clearly very uncomfortable with the topic when I talked to him about it. His opinions? He’s so focused! The only thing on his mind was to get a job (career) then find a gf/wife. He’s been studying all these while and can’t wait to step into the working society. Balancing work & love was out of the question. I knew there and then this was a gone case.Anyway, we were supposed to have group outing 2 days after that but he gave lame excuses not to go when previously he was so on about it. I knew he was avoiding me, and I cried my heart out. After thinking it thru, I decided there’s no point crying over it ~ all I wanted was to save the situation. So I went to “confront” him…The “confrontation”.... hahaha… it’s like watching a drama!

We went to look for him at the student dorm. Should see how shocked he was to see us. He was watching TV at the kitchen then. But the moment we came, he was a little tensed up and soon after wanted to return to his room. And we followed him! While walking back to his room, I asked him for a little chat. Evelyn then conveniently disappeared, leaving us alone in his room.Here comes the drama script ~ I find it quite dumb but it’s really approx what we said then…hahaha ;p

He still kept asking what to chat about... then I said "Debrief for Tuesday’s outing". And he went "huh? What debrief?"
Me: Think things I said on Tues made u a little uncomfortable and I wana clear things up...
K: Huh? What things?
Me: Huh? U mean u never realized anything?
K: No... nothing…
Me: Ok, I dropped big hints…
K: Hmm… (silence)
Me: Ok, for my character, when I like somebody, I’d let that person know even if he doesn’t like me, and I dun expect anything in return. And I wana tell u that I like you.
K: (shocked face, but smiling away)
Me: What about you?
K: You are a friend to me.
Me: Have you ever liked me?K: I’m still searching for the right woman. (*this guy fails English comprehension!!)
Me: it’s ok. We’d still be like before?
K: Umm... (nods head)
Me: ok, done! Let’s go for XX-san’s drinking party now! (^_^)V

We acted as if nothing happened after that. Everything’s fine until he kept giving lame excuses again not to attend one of our gatherings weeks later. I knew it then that he hasn’t gotten over it. And it upset me very much. I was so full of optimism that things were back to normal ~ how naïve I was. Why didn’t I understand that some things will never be the same again? That’s the time I started to slip into depression. During that gathering, Ms Alcoholic ~ me! ~ finished the whole big bottle of plum liqueur undiluted coz it’s so delicious & gave more kick as well ;p Luckily it wasn’t anything stronger than that, else I’d probably be dead from liver failure! Broke out in red patches and got the rest of the Spore gang very worried that nite. Wonder how I managed to go to school on time the next day tho I was clearly very depressed from then on…Liyuen started coming over everyday after that to get me to jog with her. Guess it’s her way of checking on me, and keeping my spirits up…it did help in a way, talking to friends, jogging…

I finally recovered in Aug after Eve’s bday when she told him off & he apologized to me the next day. Come to think of it, he didn’t do anything wrong actually…hmm… why the apology huh? Things did go back to normal to a certain extent btw us after that. He’s since returned to Korea, but we do talk online occasionally, but I wonder when he can talk to me w/o having a favor to ask of me!He’s a very nice guy, and it’s just too bad that things didn’t work out. Probably it’s a blessing in disguise that it didn’t work out after all coz it’d be especially tough on me if we do plan to progress the relationship. I mean, to begin with, anything Korean doesn’t interest me the least bit ~ imagine having to stay in Korea for the rest of my life?!! and tho he’s older than me, thinking-wise… he’s still not that matured ~ not reached the level of maturity that I seek for in a guy, but I still liked him anyway…

OK, that’s my silly little love saga for my ¼th of a century year. Strange, why wasn’t my love life as interesting when I was in Spore? It all had to happen when I’m here. A tough year in love, but I’ve since gotten over it ~ able to talk and laugh at the whole saga without tears. But I admit that after these, I’m a little tired and afraid of relationships now though I long to settle down. Sighz…when will my knight in shining armour appear?

Bao – 16 Nov 04

Memories

Spent my whole day doing spring-cleaning. Not that my room's in such a mess that i need the whole day, but rather i'm trying to find space in preparation for the 2 boxes of stuff arriving from Japan soon. So i had to go thru my stuff more thoroughly, tried to get rid of as much stuff as i can....

Doing spring-cleaning is a gd chance to walk down memory lane ~ I found many things that i didn't know i have..... and face memories that i tried to put away, e.g. memories of the 2 guys in my life then.... i read the letter from my ex when we parted & looked through the cards he had given me.... he really loved me then.... yet i chose to give him up.... I still can't bear to throw these stuff, but did dump away most of our photos....

As for memories of that jerk, it's in the rubbish bin now except for a really old photo of his.... just keeping it to remind myself not to fall for such a jerk again!I found the letters of my Korean penpal ~ it's been almost 6 years since our last correspondence. And also found letters from CK, my JC pal. That guy really took lots of effort to make birthday & christmas cards for me.... found cards from my primary & secondary school friends as well..... I thot of using this period of free time I have at home to write to them.....to find out how everyone's doing.... It's kind of silly to write when everyone's in Spore & calling is faster, but i thot writing is more fun....

Found my file on SMP & it brought back memories of the years i served as a volunteer there.... hmm.... maybe i should organize a gathering to get the Queenstown SMP together....So many things i want to do.... all related to resuming contact with old friends....I've been back for 2 weeks, but only met up with Jaycee & Pris. Not really enthusiastic about meeting up with friends..... still very much in my own world....

Life is so unpredictable

The loss of lives and damage caused by the devastating earthquake & tsunami never quite affected me when i read the news in the morning. Was rushing off to interview, too engrossed with my own thots on my future. What happened to my neighbouring countries isn't really any concern of mine.....very indifferent...heartless some might say....but that's me sometimes. But the deaths....it got me thinking about the meaning of life & death again...

Bought the book "The Pianist" today. Saw the film in Japan recently (dubbed), and watched it again few days ago. Couldn't resist and started reading it the moment i bought it. Reading it, relating it to scenes in the film.....the scenes of how the Jews were brutally murdered in cold-blood, the lives of the people being affected.... Halfway thru the book...i just couldn't continue on with it.....

Just saw on news the damage caused by the earthquake. The scene of a woman carrying her dead infant crying for help, the bodies lined on the ground..... read online news of the deathtoll of 23,000 ~ thot i had saw the number wrongly. Imagine happily walking along the beach with your loved ones, and the next moment everyone's dead. Or doing your daily chores & be dead the next moment....

Life is so unpredictable ~ we do not know when Death will come to claim us.....We should live life to the fullest now....go for our dreams now.....why plan for the future when we don't even know whether we can live to see the future that we visioned for ourselves?But what if we do live long enough to live the future we visioned, and realise to our horror that we've been ill-prepared for it in the past?And that brings up the question of the meaning of life ~ to live for now or for the future? and what's the purpose of living? I never quite found the answer to the purpose of life ~ and i guess i'd never will. And nope, i'd not turn to religion to find my answers....

Job Hunt blues...

Went for 2 interviews with job agencies today. I’m getting quite sick of these interviews tho it’s an opportunity for me to practice Jap conversational skills ;p Most tell me the same thing ~ “it’s year end, not much hiring now.” “limited positions in HR that requires Jap speaking skills, unless at managerial level”

The first interview today was relaxing & we discussed the job market.It seems that Jap-speaking positions here are generally categorized into 4 groups: technical skills (IT/Engineering), secretarial & admin, translation, and sales. I’m not into sales, and don’t have the technical skills. So that leaves me with admin & translation, of which I’m not that keen on translation coz it doesn’t give me the opportunity to speak the language. I’m not sure if I would enjoy working as a secretary to some mgr / MD, or admin clerk supporting the sales team. My previous job had some element of secretarial/admin work in it, but what kept me there was the opportunity to interact with almost everyone in the company, and doing something related to my HR studies.

I’ve to make a choice between a Jap-speaking job & a HR job. And it doesn’t help that I am still waiting for the outcome of my application for the ALT position. All these are driving me crazy ~ how do I proceed from here?I toyed around with the idea of WWOOFing ~ it’s what I had thought of doing when I was back in Japan then. It’s like a home-stay programme, with an added clause of work in exchange for food & lodging. A very interesting concept that gives me the opportunity to learn some new skills, experience the Jap culture and speak Japanese.

I briefly mentioned it to dad & bro. At first they seemed rather excited & supportive, thinking that it’s some internship in a Jap company in Japan. But once I told them it’s probably farm work or restaurant....could see that they aren’t that supportive, but didn’t raise any objections tho....It’s a crazy idea ~ abandoning the relatively luxurious lifestyle I have here for a harsher environment in a foreign land, working on farms or in restaurants / pension houses. But it’s only for a short period of time (less than 3 mths), and I believe strongly that no matter how it turns out to be, it’d serve to be a very good experience for me.

If I really decide to go for this, I’d prob take up a contract position that lasts till April, then go WWOOFing in May for a month or 2. If I get the ALT position, I’ve to go to Japan in July. If not, I’d probably stop bumming around and settle down to a boring perm job. Or I might just continue with my idea of working a few months, then go travel / wwoofing (if my initial stint turns out well).Sigh....what should I do? :(

Merry Christmas!

This year’s x’mas was much more bz than previous years. I had planned to send greeting cards / presents to friends in Japan, and all these had to be done within 2 days of me being back in Singapore, considering the 5-7 days taken for the cards/gifts to reach Japan on time for xmas. Choosing the gifts was fun & meaningful ~ I spent a fair bit of time at the DFS shop, checking out the many interesting souvenirs from Singapore.

My sis & I went to shop at Meida-ya @Liang court on xmas eve. It’s apparently the only Jap supermarket in Spore. I was really excited to see many familiar favorites in Japan being sold here. But everything’s expensive. However if I were to convert it back to yen, it’s almost the same. How did I survive those prices in Japan then?

Jaycee came over for dinner. We feasted on mum’s fried beehoon & chicken wings & lots of other food. Pris came over later. We talked about the office politics at Jaycee’s workplace, looked at their Japan photos & stories, and exchanged xmas gifts. Our bitching session lasted till 2am ~ been ages since we last stayed up so late together. Probably meet them soon to view their video taken in Japan.

I’m a free thinker but nevertheless celebrate this season of giving & sharing. It’s nice to be with family & friends on this day. Last year’s xmas was in Japan. I still remember it vividly, thanks to the videos taken then. What was meant to be a small celebration with Evelyn then, ended up with Asep & KJ joining the fun unexpectedly. We had a little cake & a bottle of sparkling wine for the occasion. And with acapella xmas songs playing in the background ~ perfect setting for a xmas gathering :)

On the xmas day, I stayed at home to rot. No place to go to, or rather, too lazy to go out. Opening my xmas gift left under the xmas tree was fun :) Received a very cute pig backrest from my bro & Alice. Spent the rest of my day at home watching VCD, tidying up my room, replying emails.....

I hate interviews

Yesterday's interview was a waste of my time! but ok lah, treat it as a rehearsal for future interviews to come... The job scope seem quite interesting, but there's limited exposure to Japanese. I only need to do translation of documents from Jap to Eng occasionally & there isn't any opportunities to speak/listen to Jap in the department of non-Jap speaking staff. If i want to do HR w/o chance of using Jap, I'd rather go for an American MNC ~ better exposure. My only reason for going for a Jap MNC is to keep in touch with the Jap lang. Besides the job scope, the manager has serious attitude problem. I couldn't connect with her, so doubt i can work with her. Well, she probably wouldn't shortlist me for the 2nd round anyway....

Went home after the interview.....super bored.... so played the piano for 1.5hrs... sort of like exercise for my hands & fingers ;p Still can't master the piece from the Jap drama "Story of the last symphony".... disappointed :( Played "I Believe".....haiz....brought back memories of the time i taught KJ how to play it.... wonder how he's doing now.....

Dad collected his new car yesterday. 2 doors only....super squashed at the back. Really live up to its nickname of "Gow zhai wai" (cantonese ~ seats for dogs). But otherwise the design's nice... ML & I squeezed into the back & went for a car-ride to Woodlands....Rushed back on time to watch my HK drama "Crimson Sabre", followed by "The Amazing Race", then "ER". I miss those shows sooo much!! The teams were heading for Hungary yesterday...very interesting. But what i liked most was the unexpected scene from "ER' ~ Dr Robert's arm was sliced off by the helicopter. Was so sudden! Duno why, no mood to watch my collection of Jap anime & dramas....

Job Hunting Day

it's sooo exhausting!! Went for an interview at JAC yesterday morning... interviewed by 4 consultants... and 2 of them caught me by surprise by questioning me in japanese. Luckily it was some simple questions. After lunch at my fav Maxwell market, my sis & I went to International Plaza to register with 7 job agencies located there ~ took the whole day!! Filled up countless forms, did a few general interviews....so sick of it... some agencies... hmm... not very impressive, very unpro... and they are actually big names in the market!

Talking about my job search.... i find it tough to settle down to a permanent job at the moment. Not mentally prepared for it. I'm still hoping to go to Japan on the JET (ALT) programme, but the outcome will not be known until April. That leaves me hanging there...Haiz, what should i do now? Get a perm job & quit once i get the ALT position? Take up a temp job & go for a perm job if i can't get the ALT position? It's the dull period in hiring now b'coz of year-end.... perm jobs don't come by easily ~ i should seize every opportunity..... but i'm just not ready for it :(

Dad's pretty excited about my job interview tomorrow... but i'm not... but yet I don't want to kill the chance for a fatter paycheck compared to the miserable $6/hr temp job pay.. Guess i've to start psycho-ing myself to be enthusiatic about the interview... "i want to work here... i'd love the job... i want to crave a career here" ....arghhhh!!!! i hate this!! all these acting.... i hate it!!!

The first few days back in Singapore

The day home ~ 15 Dec (Wed)

Woke up at 5am coz we had to catch the 6.45am bus to the airport. Liyuen & Suit Ying came to help us bring the luggage down to the carpark to take the cab. And it’s goodbye to Residence U.

I called Xiaolin from the bus at 6.45am, very early but had to catch him before he goes to work! Mayleen did the initial morning greeting in Chinese, before I took over….wonder if he knew it. Then I sent a few sms to my friends. At the airport, gave Evelyn a call before she went to school. Duno she had just woken up or was crying….i tried to lighten the mood a little even tho it’s to say that dreadful “goodbye”…..well dear…see ya in S'pore!

The flight back was uneventful ~ slept most of the time coz I was a little tipsy after all the wine on board & also because i didn’t sleep much the previous night. At the airport, I was greeted by Ah Ke on arrival. Immediately gave Ah Ke a tight hug & took pic too. Once I reached home, I couldn’t resist the piano & started playing my favorite pieces. Had a “hawker dinner feast” of char kway tiao, satay, chicken wings, chili stingray….missed those food so much……

16 Dec (Thur)
Went to Dad’s office with Mayleen to use the internet coz I couldn’t logon at home. We had curry fish head for lunch, then we went to Bishan to sign up for aerobics course. Shopped a little at bishan…the place has changed quite a bit in a year… went searching for nice X’mas cards & gifts…. Unpacked/packed my stuff the rest of the day…all the way till 2am…

17 Dec (Fri)
Went to Dad’s office again to use the internet. Arranged for an interview with JAC recruitment company on 20/12 and with Matsushita Electronic on 22/12 for position of HR Specialist. I’m actually not too keen to take up a permanent job now coz I’ve other plans in mind. But Dad was so excited about Matsushita….so I just call lor…No guarantee that I’d get the job anyway. I checked out the Japanese language schools as well…shortlisted 2 schools, will probably confirm on one next week…. Did round 2 of shopping today…must get all my x’mas gifts today coz had to send them out the next day. Spent the whole night writing letters / signing off cards in Japanese…

18 Dec (Sat)
Sent out the cards / parcels in the morning then had another round of hawker food for lunch. Had my favorite Wanton mee, rojak, goreng pisang :) Then Dad drove me to Marina South to let me practice driving. Not driven for a year….very rusty already. Parking was really bad. I like the new car ~ smooth drive & full of power….but I didn’t dare to speed yet….not with Dad around!After that we went to the Diamond Industries shop @Scotts coz Alice & mum wanted to do some alteration to their jewelry. They also wanted to get me a diamond necklace coz they bought one for Mayleen recently.

Haiz, I wonder what’s the craze over diamonds… it’s just a stone! They were so excited talking about the size, clarity etc etc… I was more interested in the design than the stone… so most of the time they were busy choosing the stone while I was chatting with Mayleen… only spent some time choosing the design I like and they did the rest. The $$ they spent on that stone…I'd rather they gave it to me to travel instead! A stone can be stolen, but an experience can never be taken away…

Duno why I was so tired….slept from 6pm upon reaching home….all the way till the next morning at 7… didn’t even eat dinner!

19 Dec (Sun)
Super nuah day…Paid a visit to Uncle in the morning, chatted a little then went home for lunch. Uploaded the photos taken in Japan and checked email for a while. Wanted to go out with Mayleen to buy xmas gift for her friend, but in the end we were too lazy to go out. I started writing then….hmm… been almost 4 hours since I started typing away…

That’s my first few days back in S’pore. Used to the warm & humid weather already….but not quite used to staying with so many people at home, having my actions being questioned occasionally, having to “entertain” whoever’s talking to me when I wish to have some time on my own…. guess I’m too used to my lifestyle in Japan…need a little more time to adapt to life back at home…

My last week in Japan

It was a busy but memorable week. Right after the exams, I started getting ready for a week long holiday trip with my siblings. My sis arrived at Nagoya on 7 Dec (Tues) morning. After depositing her luggage at Nagoya train station, we went shopping at Sakae (Nagoya) before going back to Okazaki in the late afternoon for my farewell party. Did lots of shopping...

Back at my apartment, had a sumptuous steamboat dinner of seafood, lots of meat & 2 different types of soup base. Began the dinner with 8 S'poreans doing the traditional cheer “Y-a-mmmmm Seng!” for 3 times. Ate like a pig as if it’s my last meal! Daniel & Aaron came to join us later but we were almost done by then. After everyone’s done with dinner, we packed up and started round 2 of the party ~ drinking time! Didn’t drink a lot this time round coz I was too full after dinner. We were very tired and wanted to end the party but Aaron just kept talking & I didn’t bear to cut him off…so just let him be… i just stoned off...and went crazy until they left...

From 8 – 13 Dec, my sis & I went on a trip to Osaka/Kyoto/Nara with my bro & his gf (Alice). It was the first time that the 4 of us had traveled together. Had lots of fun though it was quite tiring… Here are the details of our trip…

Day 1 ~ 8 Dec (Wed)
We stayed at a hot spring hotel at Ikeda (Osaka). Duno where my brother found this place, but it was quite a nice quiet place amidst a backdrop of greenery. After a relaxing soak at the hotspring, they began to update me (read: gossip) on my cousin’s wedding. So glad that I “escaped” the wedding dinner. It pissed me off to know that my Auntie asked my sis the same old question at the dinner ~ “You are Baoling or Meiling?” I just don’t get it! She only has 2 nieces who look so different yet she can’t differentiate us.

Dinner at the hotel was quite an elaborate affair ~ very “pretty looking” dishes that tasted great too! Watched the “Bin-bo” show, tried to translate for them whenever I could. Slept early but I woke up a few times coz the heater was too warm. Yet I can’t adjust it too much coz Alice & my sis can’t take the cold. At 3am Bro woke up as well… so we had a short light-hearted chat till almost 4. We talked about Dad’s car, Bro’s proposal plan….i didn’t really want to talk about my future plans coz I wanted to relax and enjoy this holiday trip, and also because I know that Bro doesn’t really hold the same thinking that I have & would never support the crazy plans I have in mind…but I don’t blame him for being so practical…society gave him no choice…

Day 2 ~ 9 Dec (Thur)
Breakfast was more like lunch ~ there were so much food! And we finished all of it ;p Left Ikeda & set off for our hotel in Osaka. After that it’s shopping & eating at Dotonbori. Went to the themed restaurant which was featured in the 8-Days magazine. Very nice set-up…felt as if I was transported to another era / place. Over there, we went to a restaurant to cook our own takoyaki. It was very fun to try cooking it on our own. Though it looked really bad in the beginning, the final product looked ok & tasted great! We found it amusing to cook it, while the waiters there found us amusing....hahaha

Then we started shopping for souvenirs along the street. It’s just a normal weekday but the streets were very crowded. We went to the Fujiya shop for my sis to buy her Peko stuff. After that we went to have a light lunch/dinner before going back to the hotel to offload our stuff, coz we were meeting my friend from Osaka (K-san aka “Xiaolin”) at 7pm. He was planning to drive us to Kobe to see the night view.The journey to Kobe was fun ~ trying to communicate in a mixture of Japanese, English, Chinese & Singlish. But after a while everyone dozed off, leaving only Xiaolin & I to self-entertain ourselves.

He’s the “best” ~ duno how to get to the night-view spot, yet driving us there….get lost together huh… luckily I dun have to pay for his petrol!Should’ve checked with him on the location earlier, coz we realized too late that it’s up a long & winding road to the summit of Mt Rokko in order to see the night-view. Mayleen has serious motion-sickness problem, so half the time we were telling her to tolerate a while more while Xiaolin was testing his driving skills “speeding” thru the winding roads to reach the summit a.s.a.p. It was a dash to the toilets once we stopped. And he was so mean ~ asking whether can take picture of her puking!!

My bro had planned to propose to Alice there coz it’s so romantic….but he also felt a little giddy so dropped the idea. What a waste! It’s such a romantic place...Think everyone’s hungry after the trip (was nearly 10pm by then?). But looking at how exhausted my siblings & Alice were, Xiaolin & I decided to send them back to the hotel first. After that we went to search for ramen coz we had a craving for it. It’s the perfect food for the cold weather. We had a quick meal of ramen & I went back to the hotel straight after that. Expected everyone to be asleep by then, but was surprised that they were exhausted but wide awake, and were going out to find food! So I accompanied them for another round of eating….slept at almost 2am that night…

Day 3 ~ 10 Dec (Fri)
It’s Universal Studios Japan day! Set off early for USJ and went straight for the Spiderman ride ~ was really good! As it’s a weekday, there weren’t that many people and most queues took less than an hour. We managed to try almost all rides, and even had time to go shopping at Hard Rock Café before returning to USJ for the night performance. And that’s the time that my bro proposed…. So R-O-M-A-N-T-I-C!!

Earlier on during the performance, he had squeezed the box containing the ring into the Hard Rock café bear that Alice had bought. After the fireworks ended, he asked her to check the bear, saying there’s some problems with it…but apparently she didn’t want to touch the bear coz her hands were a little dirty. So my impatient bro had no choice but to take the box out to give her! And during this period, Mayleen & I were pretending to take pictures around the area. Hahaha….Alice was overjoyed ~ grinning from ear to ear. Felt so happy for them ~ so happily in love…When will it be my turn if there ever is?*Between, the ring was a fake one (the real one’s too expensive to bring to Japan)…but Alice didn’t know until the day before they were coming back to S'pore…hahahaha…*

Left USJ after that & went to Dotonbori for dinner. Bought some cakes there…sort of like a celebration for the proposal? We were stuck in the train coz it was the peak after-office hours in the evening. Packed like sardines and people were just pushing their way through. It’s so different from S'pore where we’d just take the next train instead of squeezing our way into the train. Missed our stop and had to alight at the next stop.

I was the first to squeeze out ~ thot they could follow behind me, but apparently the space closed up the moment I squeezed out. So Mayleen started to “elbow” everyone to make her way out. And she apparently elbowed them so hard that many were losing their balance, and the space stayed clear for my bro & Alice to walk out easily. They were laughing their heads off after alighting…coz according to my bro, some passengers were searching around for the person who elbowed them…hahahah..

Day 4 ~ 11 Dec (Sat)
We traveled separately on this day. Bro & Alice went to Kyoto, while Mayleen & I went to find the Harley Davison shop @Osaka. Set off at almost 11 coz we slept till 10am. After the Harley shop, we only had time to shop for Astro boy stuff + souvenirs @Kyoto. Had a hard time finding gifts for relatives & friends….and went crazy buying food souvenirs. In the evening we met up for dinner at Osaka.

Had 2 rounds of dinner ~ first was BBQ meat, followed by Jap’s version of satay & some drinks. Mayleen went ga-ga over the waiter and specifically asked for him to help to take pictures for us. Ok, he’s quite cute, but unfortunately quite a “himbo”~ should see how excited he was about helping to take a photo for us, and how he fumbled with the camera….haiz…Very tiring day though we didn’t do anything much…

Day 5 ~ 12 Dec (Sun)
We traveled separately on this day as well. They went to Hiroshima while we went to Nara. I’m a little disappointed with Nara ~ it wasn’t as laidback as I expected. Probably because I went to the more touristy areas. The deer park wasn’t that interesting, and the Giant Buddha statue didn’t interest me neither. I drew a lot to see my fortune, just for the fun of it. This temple must have had many tourists asking for translations, coz their interpretation of the lots had English translation on it!We shopped for Dad’s gift then went back to Osaka in the late afternoon.

Supposed to buy a variety of food from the supermarket for dinner with Bro & Alice, but because it was raining, we settled for a simple bento each. Back at the hotel we started packing while waiting for them to return. Dinner was a simple affair of bentos, followed by yummy desserts. Ended the day early… wanted to update my blog on the trip but was too tired…

Day 6 ~ 13 Dec (Mon)
Bro & Alice left for Tokyo, while we stayed on for one more night to see the Kobe light-up “Illuminare”. We went straight to the tourist information office to collect maps & information on Kobe, then took a while to plan our trip for the day. First went to the Kitano area. It wasn’t as fantastic as we expected, probably because we’ve already seen many of those colonial/western buildings in S’pore so those in Kobe didn’t really interest us that much.Next we went to Chinatown. It’s really interesting there. The variety of food being sold, the prices that it’s been sold at… imagine “you tiao” which costs only S$0.50 in Spore being sold at S$3.60 in Kobe!

From Chinatown we walked down to the port area. It’s a lovely place which we believe will be very romantic at night....but we had to leave early for the light-up. Started waiting for the light-up from 4.30pm which began at 6pm. 1 ½ hrs standing in the cold was worth it coz the light-up was spectacular. On the way back on the train, we were approached by an auntie to help spot the difference between 2 pictures, and chatted a little about the light-up with her. I tried to ask Xiaolin out to Kobe’s port at night with us, but he replied too late to make the trip down. Too bad then…

Day 7 ~ 12 Dec (Tues)
Took the 8.40am train back to Nagoya / Okazaki. Quickly packed our luggage & set off to school. Met Aaron before we set off, and he helped to get a bicycle for Mayleen. Unfortunately the keys were with Liyuen, so he had to cut off the lock. Was so touched by his help. At school, I thanked the teachers & office staff, paid my outstanding rental, & bid goodbye to my classmates. Then we went to the karaoke with Liyuen, Eve & Shin. My last karaoke session in Japan ~ sang all the Glay songs to my heart’s content :) After that we went to McDonald’s to bid farewell, and bought supper back.

Had a simple meal of sashimi, some finger foods & snacks/desserts. When it was time to end, Eve started crying….sob sob….we went through quite a bit together the past 1 year….we came to Japan together, but now I’m going back first….Aaron dropped by in the evening to pass me some of the anime DVDs I had requested for. Later at night he came to pass me the remaining DVDs, but I was too tired to get out of bed to open the door, so he stuffed it into my letterbox. I was very touched to receive it the next morning, but it was too early in the morning for me to thank him. Goodbye Mr Nice Guy....Thanks for everything...

Today's my last night in Japan.....I had managed to keep my mind off the thought of leaving Japan…until Xiaolin had to remind me about it by talking about his tearful farewell in the past…i ended up crying to sleep that night…

It's OVER!!! \(^o^)/

The exam's OVER!!! So glad that it's over. Couldn't sleep the nite b4 exam & had to wake up at 530am in the morning. The rain storm stopped on time for us to go for exam. I know i performed badly at the exam, but i dun feel sad/disappointed coz i was sort of mentally prepared that i'd fail...now in Osaka after a fun day with my siblings & K-san. Too tired to write about the trip now...

Insomnia

Will someone pls give me a sleeping pill?The beer's effect lasted only 3 hrs.....sigh....should've taken something stronger.....i've been trying to get to sleep since waking up at 12am. Finally gave up at 2am and started watching tv. Was showing Godzilla....boring... Go online, talked to Robin but he had to go (it's 1am in Spore). Now chatting w FZ....talking abt my bro...so interesting...he's my bro's secondary sch frd but it's only last year that we started talking to each other...my goodness... the weather forecast said it's heavy rain & strong winds tdy.... but it sounds as if a typhoon's here again. I hope it goes off by 630am coz it's a long walk to the train stn :(3am already...should i try to get to sleep again? Or just chat w FZ / watch anime till 530? Die....i'd be very stoned later whether i sleep now or not...

Pre-exam madness - Part 2

Just back from ministop w LY. Didnt want to go out coz it's rainning, but i had to buy tml's breakfast & lunch. We were there for 30mins. Not that ministop's such a big place, but we can't decide what to buy. 2 mad Sporeans...a basket each full of chocolate & snacks & bread. I went crazy, bgt lotsa of chocolate....apparently it's gd to eat it b4 exams, gets the brain working? but i'm not getting for tomorrow... i might just finish everything tonite... coz i'm getting a bit crazy now....need something to calm me down...Both of us bgt beer too.... worried that we can't sleep tonite. Beer's not my best choice, but anything stronger i'd be stoned tomorrow. Can't take the risk... meeting LY at 630am to walk to train station. Apparently it's gona be heavy rain tomorrow....i HATE the weather!!!

We were discussing what to wear tomorrow... slippers? imagine socks being soaked thru, and our poor feet feeling cold & wet the whole day? we won't be able to concentrate during the paper coz our minds will be on our poor wet feet!! Of all days, why does it have to rain tdy & tml?! Is heaven crying? Feeling sorry for the foreigners in Japan taking a stupid proficiency paper that's held only ONCE a year?? ok, please stop crying....i dun need your pity. I'd burn all the books & notes as offering to U, k? Shall i do it now?Just done w fish & chips, followed by chocolate eclair & green tea Kitkit. Feel full & FAT but i'm still not quite done w eating. Hmm...shall i start on my chips & beer now? hmm..but it's too early to concuss now? but if i dun concuss now, when will i do? wat if i'm knocked out late and can't wake up on time tml? that's it...i'm done w revision, or rather, the lack of revision. May luck be with me tomorrow. Gona have my beer now and concuss early for the day... zzzzz.....

Pre-exam Madness

Arrghh....I'm BORED TO TEARS!!!! Tomorrow's THE EXAM & I'm still not quite done with revision. Tried to study but nothing seems to go into my brain anymore. Somebody help me!! Replace my brain with something of larger capacity to contain all the 1000 kanji, 6000 vocab & 173 grammer for JLPT2!! I can't take it anymore....why is TIME passing SO SLOWLY tdy?!!

Maybe i should get myself drunk now....then can sleep well.... tomorrow gona test my REAL proficiency....Damned....Why did I wake up so early today? Now i have so much time to kill but i'm too restless to do anything.... Started the day with the usual clearing of my drawer....didn't realise that i kept so much junk ;p Cleaned & packed the toaster for my buyer....thot of settling the microwave as well, but decided to wait till Mon...just in case i still need to use it....

There's hardly any food left at home....not hungry but just wana munch something. Stupid weather....been rainning the whole day.... don't wana step out of my apt. Stupid rain's gona continue till Sunday afternoon! And I have to go for exam tomorrow morning. Meeting LY at 6.45am to go to the train stn together. Wah...if it's heavy rain tomorrow....damn sianz man....walk there? cycle there? haiz... dun wana think abt it... wanted to go FeelNews to buy my fav Cheese Fondue bun....but the rain...arghh!!!

3 Nice Guys

Last nite I was touched by 3 nice guys' sweet gestures....

First's my student. Yesterday was our last lesson. He gave me a bouq of small red roses. So sweet of him! I was so surprised. I was very very touched that he made the effort to get me a cd of my fav group (GLAY) as well. He & his wife also invited me to dinner this coming Mon but I can't make it :( I didn't expect all these..... Right after he left, i just broke down in tears. I duno how to describe the feeling... sad? touched? We've had almost 1 year of lessons (2-3hrs/week). He's more like a father & friend to me than a student. I'm going to miss our lessons so much. I feel I've learnt a lot more from him than he did from me. He told me a lot about Japanese culture, thinking etc. And was always very eager to help me with my travel plans within Japan. He's a very family man.....always telling me about his wife & 3 kids. I often thot how nice it'd be if i can find a husband like him.

The 2nd nice guy's K-san. Informed me that he didn’t manage to apply for leave during the time my siblings & I’d be in Osaka, but he’d try to end work on time to meet us in Kobe on the 13th . I didn’t want him to be rushing here & there, esp. since he’s prob tired after work, so tried to hint that it’s ok not to meet. Then he suggested the 9th . Hmm...i duno what got over me, but think I was a little sarcastic in my reply ~ saying he seems bent on fulfilling his “promise” to go Kobe at nite together. I know he sincerely wished to share the lovely nite view together and bring us around, but I just had to be mean. But I can’t help it leh ~ can’t take it when someone’s too nice to me. I already have a bad tendency to turn to him whenever I feel down etc etc. He’s been nice to give some support tho he’s not obliged to put up w my nonsense. Told Jaycee about it and we came to the conclusion that we gals are too “independent” ~ dun wana owe pp “ren qing”. And that scares some guys off! ;) After much thot, I guess I'm just trying to escape from having to bid goodbye...

The 3rd nice guy’s Aaron. He popped by last evening with his collection of 200 dvds/vcds of anime & movies, offering to copy any title I want. And he still has another 200+ in his PC. Isn’t that sweet of him? Previously he copied FMP2 for me after I mentioned i liked FMP1 but didn’t know there’s a part 2. We chatted for a while. Hmm...he’s quite an interesting person to chat with tho he sometimes goes on & on w/o stopping. 2 hrs later, he came back with 1 of my anime request & to collect the washing machine that Asep left behind. Think he wanted to chat a little while, but seeing that I’m still in tears after my English lesson, he quickly left with the washing machine. But he told me to give him a list of anime I want & he’d copy it for me if he has it. He’s so nice! I mean, he’s probably bz studying for JLPT2 but took the trouble to do this knowing that I’m leaving soon....

There are nice guys out there after all.....

Gossip Session

Feeling stoned now, or rather stoned the whole day. Must be the sake i drank last nite + waking up in middle of nite bec of sms & couldn't get back to sleep after that. Surprised that i could still go to school on time tdy. Guess it's bec i plan to go for the last day of school for me. Ya, already decided to skip coming Mon's class coz need to do final packing b4 sis comes on Tues. After that's holidaying in Kansai region till my flight back to S'pore. I'm counting down everyday......Stoned but still managed to do the compre test tdy. But 50mins is my max. Even after a 10mins break, i can't concentrate anymore...just stared at the grammer paper, then switched off & started chatting w Eve.

We had lotsa gossip to catch up on...about the attached bitch in sch who apparently slept w someone else...making lotsa 'noise' last nite...poor Eve..she was so tramatised by it! Imagine being forced to listen to porno? She’s gona change position of her bed tonite so that she won’t hear anything..haha....maybe should give her earplugs....Then she posed me a qn...whether she should tell the bitch's bf abt it coz they are frds. My opinion? No. I feel if the couple's happy together, then let it be. It's up to the guy to find out himself or the gal to confess. But Eve thot otherwise... Hahaha, so i just told her i'd make an exception if it happens to her! ;p

Next we talked about our opinion on love & relationships. She's quite shocked by my thinking which is quite extreme: I feel that when a couple's together, they are just making use of each other for the companionship....When a guy’s esp nice to a gal, there're only 2 reasons: (1) part of their upbringing to be nice to gals, (2) to win the gal’s heart so that they can be of use to them? I guess I’m quite affected by happened this year, so I adopted this extreme thinking. But i believe there's still some really nice guys ard. So she asked, if I’m happy with someone, would I continue being happily in love or think there’s some motives behind? I answered the latter.

Guess I’m too afraid of being hurt again that I find it hard to believe that true love & happiness is at hand and would try to push it away instead. Sigh...will there ever be someone who can heal the wound & give me the confidence to accept love again?Then we talked about our characters.

She’s a pessimistic person but I’m the opposite. I wonder if it's better to be pessimistic or positive? I always try to be positive, hopeful that things will turn out fine, but when things turn out badly, I just sink into depression. If I'm pessimistic, i'd probably be better prepared for setbacks. It's interesting that we are so different yet can clique...

The last lesson of the day was a waste of time ~ playing the usual vocab quiz...getting pp to read a sentence & we fill in the blanks. I could’ve used the time to catch up on sleep! Anyway after lessons ended, Eve & I were a little bored...didn’t want to go home & no mood to study. Met Shin & we went to Jusco together. Ate our favourite ice-cream & talked for almost 2 hours! Topic? What else but the bitch? Poor Eve’s still so tramatised by it..... wonder what's her update on Sunday ;p

dear Diary...

I didn't go to school tdy, rotting away at home now. Woke up late since i already planned to skip lessons tdy. There was a mini gathering of Sporean neighbours last nite. I cooked laksa & LY grilled chicken drumlets. Simple dinner but was YUMMY! After that we drank & snacked a lot. Bought this really cheap red wine (Hardy's from Australia) but it tasted surprisingly good. Tried some winter edition beer as well, tasty but no kick. There's still sake in my fridge... waiting for SY to drink w me.... oh, my bro found out that i picked up drinking here. He happily said we'd drink his collection of red wine at home for X'mas!

Met Kenneth online just now. He said Weizhou's going to NS on 17th. So we are planning to meet up on 16th. haha...bz ah...not back yet but already set appointments! Hmm....i've known these boys for 5 yrs alreadi? Still remember those days when they were in Sec. sch...we mentors guiding them in studies, playing games, going out together.....miss those days... Time really flies...they are now 18 yrs? wah, that makes me feel really old!

now my latest pastime at home's packing! Pack a little almost every other day coz i can't settle down to study. Just cleared my drawer / files ~ dumped lots of stuff.... and came across the medical report which i tried to forget about....Had to take a chest x-ray 2 mths back for student visa and the result wasn't too good but no details were given. Supposed to go for further check-up but i decided not to. 1stly, i feel perfectly fine. 2ndly, lang's a barrier. 3rdly, if it's really bad news i dun wan it to affect the rest of my stay here.... But the more i thot abt it, the more worried i became ~ grandma has history of TB, i had an episode of sharp chest pains months back when i went jogging.... so i kept the report away to keep my mind off it... haiz.. have to come across it again tdy......

Last nite Steph told me that Spore's side is getting pp for the Aichi Expo. Closing date's 29 Nov but i decided to give it a try. Wrote in this morning and was informed that the briefing's tomorrow (in Spore). Sigh...once again i miss a job opportunity in Japan. Seems like I'm not fated to be at Aichi Expo, having missed their interview in Sept with the Japan side. Thot it'd be interesting to be at such a big international event... sigh...hmm.....a little sleepy now.....

First Farewell

With much effort, i went to school today for the last 2 optional classes coz they are JLPT related. I was unusually happy in school ~ sigh... I'm such a weird person...

Had dinner with Masami & her cousin. I cooked "Fried Hokkien Mee" ~ not like the real thing but edible :) We had fun filming with her viewcam & looking at my photos taken in Hokkaido & Kimono contest. And I received my first X'mas (cum Farewell) present of the year from them.

Masami's the first Japanese friend i made (excl. the McDonalds gang). Kuroda-sensei had introduced us to each other 1 yr ago. We used to meet up for language exchange, parties, outings etc. I remember going to her place for dinner ~ her grandma's a great cook! Then there's the time she brought us to a social gathering cum fireworks outing in April. That's the first time I've seen so much fireworks ~ Spore's National Day pales in comparison! And there's another time i went to her frd's place for BBQ... There're many many more memories....am so glad to have known a friend like her...sigh...it's so hard to say goodbye........

I'm gradually "detaching" myself from my cozy home. Took off all the posters, dumped/packed a lot of things last nite... by doing so, maybe it would be less difficult to say goodbye to this home in Japan...damned..is it the weather? or stress? i've craving for sweet food now......

Neighbourly Bonds

Woke up at 10.30, but still feel a little stoned. Had a little neighbours gathering last nite with SY & Steph. SY & I had chatted till 3am the previous nite, but seems like we still have a lot to talk about so gathered again last nite. We are 2 alcoholics ~ 1 beer each + plum liq couldn't satisfy us, so we walked out late at nite to buy red wine & Jap sake.....if my parents found out about this, they'd be shocked ~ their little darling has turned alcoholic!I enjoyed the chat sessions, tho now i can't really recall a lot of what we talked about. .hahaha..Amazing... we started at 7pm~ ended at almost 4am!

It's a meeting of troubled souls - Ms Lovesick, Ms Stressed & Ms Depressed.... it certainly helps to talk it out :)Someone mentioned that I seemed a little depressed now, that going home might help. Does it? ~ i wonder... Recently i've been dreaming of my family ~ I've never dreamt of them nor felt homesick during my time here...so what does this indicate? That I'm too excited / too stressed to go home? I miss my Ah-Ke, miss my jie-meis, miss watching TVB dramas, miss playing the piano, miss the hawker food, but i never dreamt of them! (ok, except for Ah-ke ;p) Whatever awaits me back home, I'm sure things will work out fine..... *think +ve, think +ve, think +ve......*

Burnt Out?

"What have you been doing during those days away from school?"I've been stumped by this question many times by teachers & friends. Give them the politically correct answer (revising at home)? Or the truth (rotting at home)? So i'd usually go "erm.... did nothing much" and quickly brush off the topic.Hmm....I have been rotting at home, but how do i manage to rot 24hrs at home? I tried hard to recall what i have been doing. Packing? ya, but there isn't really so much to pack! a bit of revision? nope, i remember my books just stayed in my bag for days. Online? ya, i do spend lots of time talking to my family & friends online, surfing the net for jobs, preparing my job applications. But it sure didn't need so many days at home to do it. I've given up on recalling what i did at home. It's the past anyway.

Why am I in this situation now? Is it burnout? I don't know....I had reached my saturation point in studies last semester. Daily grammer/vocab lessons of forming sentences bored me to death. And class lessons were moving so slowly that i had to study the JLPT grammer on my own ~ that probably pushed me into saturation point earlier than expected. I just saw no point in attending classes anymore since i could study on my own. Going to school was just to interact with teachers and friends. But i'm a loner. I can do w/o that sometimes. I tried to be optimistic ~ i'd get to learn something today, lessons will be fun with my friends around etc. With that in mind, i went to school. But i couldn't' concentrate and was bored easily. That's it...I'm gona stay home...going only for lessons directly related to JLPT.

And talking abt the JLPT....i find it meaningless. It's not really a true reflection of my proficiency. And i don't exactly need it anyway. So why am I spending so much time & effort on it? But whether it's useful or not, I've set the goal of passing the JLPT one year ago and I want to achieve it even tho i'm so sick and tired of studies. 9 more days to the exam. Time to start pulling myself together for the final fight....

Back to School

Finally went to school after skipping lessons for 4 days. My classmates were surprised ~ "Why are you here?" "You're still a Yamasa student?" hahaha...If one sees me in school, he/she should go buy lottery! As the date to exam & going home draws nearer, i just want to stay in my cozy home for a while longer.It's nice to be back at school for lessons, tho i didn't particularly like the boring conversational class i attended. ( i had skipped the 1st 3 lessons of the day). But it was fun as my classmates cracked jokes & teased the teacher. At that time, i felt i had missed out on a lot of fun by skipping lessons. Maybe i should start going to school more regularly from now on. But then again, it's only 1 more week to go b4 i say goodbye to Yamasa for good...

Why BLOG?

I don't know what's BLOG unabbrev ~ just know that it's kind of an online diary. Everyday lots of thoughts run thru my mind but nobody to share with. Read my friend's blog today.... found it really interesting ~ to write out one's thoughts and share with those who bother to read. And I can read it in future to know what i was thinking then...Ah...good idea.....so here i am, doing my first posting.

My 1 year "adventure" in Japan is ending soon. Come Dec 15, I'd be back home in tropical Singapore, beginning a new adventure of uncertainties coz I'm not sure what my future plans are. Everything's so hazy now...

My thoughts on my 1st solo trip

I wrote the following after my Sept/Oct'04 trip to Hokkaido. It's a letter to my 2 jie-meis, but i'd like to share it with anyone who reads my blog.... so i've done slight modifications to it b4 uploading....


I’m hopeless with maps & very blur...Going on a trip alone was an exciting but VERY SCARY idea. Had countless sleepless nights planning & re-planning... trying to find someone who could go with me although I wished no one could! And to think that I dreamed of a solo trip around whole of Japan 3 yrs ago! I must have been nutz then...no... I still am...hahaha...

Looking back, I’m glad I did it. And I’m lucky that I returned safe and sound. What I went thru or did... still astonishes me... The ferry trip isn’t really that bad... it sure sounds like hell on paper (39hrs), but it’s nothing... since ½ the time’s spent sleeping, leaving very little time to feel bored. The killer’s the connecting bus rides to Hakodate.... barely survived it.... I was on autopilot mode on arrival.... What was I thinking then? Should’ve learnt my lesson during the Europe trip’s overnight trains & Tokyo’s overnight bus trip that such “accommodations” will zap a person’s energy completely....and it’s amazing that I could still go sightseeing the day I arrived.

Next crazy thing I did.... climbing a mountain when the last time I did something similar was during uni days at our little Bt Timah hill! I thought it’s going to be just another long boring walk up flights of muddy, seasoned steps.... I was soooo wrong! It was HELL! Wanted to give up... but yet didn’t want to.... I’ve started the climb and wanted to complete it.... but could I do it? Was my determination strong enough?

Anyway, why do people love climbing? There’s nothing to see along the way except rocks, trees and roots! But I was lucky to have met my 1st guardian angel on this journey.... he must be thinking that I’m gonna get myself killed at the way I’m going... hahaha... But having someone to talk to & follow helped take my mind off the thought of quitting... reaching the summit.... the sense of satisfaction....indescribable....Then came the time to descend.... I wonder what’s worse, ascending or descending? Judging by how clumsy I am, it’s a miracle that I descended safely....w/o pulling anyone else down with me!

4 hrs of flipping burgers continuously & regularly sure helped trained my stamina... coz I continued on with 3 hrs of cycling after that climb. Could’ve been shorter but as expected, I lost my way when the route’s so damn easy to follow! But one can’t blame me for being more adventurous and going beyond what the bicycle owner recommended, rite? ;p Went cycling at Kushiro... and same thing happened... haiz.... I should seriously reconsider venturing out to unfamiliar areas on my own.... a map’s not gonna be handy for me....

We’ve been drilled in mind since young never to talk to strangers, rite? I not only talked to many strangers, I went out alone with them.... not that it’s a problem since I’m no longer a kid, but I’m a solitary female and they are guys. I’ve read lotsa warnings in guidebooks against hitchhiking for solitary females.... so I dropped the idea though I was tempted to try.... BUT I must have been possessed to actually agree to rent a car and go exploring an area I know nutz about with an almost complete stranger. My intuition told me he’s not a baddie since he’s that 1st guardian angel. It was a very fun & memorable day that I’d never forget.... although 1-full day of Jap conversation was quite overwhelming, on the whole I felt pretty comfortable.... was really reluctant & sad to part...but well.... that’s life....partings/endings are inevitable, rite?

The encounter that freaked me out most is with that uncle in Hakodate. The thought of it still freaks me out now... my intuition already told me he’s weird.... that’s why I ignored him in the beginning, but I finally took his offer of a ride round the area. I felt quite uneasy but since he was nice enough to drive me to nice picture-taking spots.... I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But it was a BIG mistake to agree to go out with him again at night. I was mad....testing my luck... if intuition tells u something is not rite.... should follow it! But I didn’t.....

He brought me to an isolated nite spot to view Hakodate’s nite view from a different angle. There were some “couple’s cars” there.... I thought after that we will move off to the touristy Mt Hakodate.... but he didn’t want to go yet. Kept saying it’s still early (for your info, it’s pitch-dark at 8.45pm there) All of a sudden, he went out to the back of his car saying he had something to do and that I needn’t get out.... I was getting really scared.... he wasn’t at his car boot.... he was near the bushes... what was he up to? (maybe he’s having a pee... but still....) I started looking around for the best possible escape route.... where the nearest car I could run to for help etc.. (damned! I forgot to bring my soap spray that nite!!)

When he came back, he lowered his seat to view the sky from the car (duh?!!) and suddenly tried to lower mine too!!! AND he asked whether I could give him a peck on his cheeks / or vice-versa.....I can’t figure out (my jap’s hopeless) I totally FREAKED OUT! I was almost gonna run out of the car already... but I kept my cool... joked with him a little.... coz I figured that if I showed too much fear, it might turn out worse.... Then he tried to take pic of me....kept saying I’m cute.... my goodness.... how perverted can a person get?!! But luckily nothing happened.... he finally drove us to Mt Hakodate.... phew! I guess I “escaped harassment” coz the owner of the inn met him when he came to fetch me..... if anything happened to me, there’s someone who can recognize him... or so I thought.... No doubt I’m grateful to him for bringing me to places for nice shots.... but he freaked me out so much that I dun really wanna have anything else to do with him... Sighz.... I’m really dumb!

This incident aside, I met many other nice people along the way. This is the best part about traveling alone. It’s easier to make friends compared to being in a group. And I think being a female helped too.... people tend to see us as being harmless so they are more receptive towards us.....but we can end up as easy targets too. The most amazing encounter I had was meeting the 2 gals at Otaru.....my next 2 guardian angels..

First met them at the hostel in the evening, didn’t really talk to them coz we were all half-dead when we met. Anyway, I told the owner the next morning that I wanna cancel my reservation for that nite and take an overnight bus to Kushiro. As fate would have it, the gals were heading back to Kushiro that day and they overheard my conversation with him. And they readily offered me a ride there and started helping me search for accommodation, and offering me a nite’s stay at their apartment when they realized the hostels available weren’t that conveniently located. I thought I was dreaming... offering a ride is ok.... but accommodation?!!

We understood each other & got along pretty well despite my poor command of the Jap lang.... 2 days later we had dinner together, went karaoke, did crazy poses for pictures... another memorable day....The most difficult part was saying goodbye.... sensed that they were holding back their tears... never expected that I’d be so emotional too.... the moment I drew the bus’s curtain... burst into tears... guess I cried for a full hour till I was too tired to go on.... touched by person’s kindness & friendship and feeling the pangs of loneliness....guess it was just too much for me then coz I had a similar parting experience just days before that......

I feel that this is like a self-discovery trip for me..... discovered more about myself and my surroundings.....here’s what I’ve learnt....

I learnt I can survive pretty well on my own, in fact enjoy the time alone ~ natural loner? Maybe...but yet I do crave for company sometimes.... for someone to share my joys with.....

I learnt that I do possess some raw guts or maybe I was just plain nutz....

I learnt that I have pretty good stamina or maybe I should attribute it to me not having much choice when I lose my way or need to save on transport/accommodation!

I affirm that fact that I am hopeless with maps but I can recognize my way back.

I realized that I like nature (and photography of nature) more than I thought so

I realized that I seldom feel hungry (and never thirsty!) when on the move.....probably coz my mind’s on what’s coming up next.....

I learnt to be more vocal, less shy and more sociable.... in the past, I could’ve never imagined myself making the first move to approach someone to talk to....or telling a stranger my dumb life-story, and not being afraid to make a fool of myself conversing in broken Jap.... (but this reminds me that I need more conversational practice!)

I realized that although I prefer things to be organized and on schedule, I kind of enjoyed the flexibility and frequent changes on this trip. Almost nothing was on schedule... hahaha... but yet I enjoyed every bit of it ~ the surprises.... I had no idea how to get from one location to another but surprisingly I wasn’t really worried.... though having to catch the last/only train/bus did worry me sick sometimes....

I realized that there are many nice people around....and weird people too....

And there are many independent Jap ladies contrary to what I thought....probably those I’ve known before are sheltered and gave me the impression that Jap gals dun travel alone... but this trip showed me otherwise... And there are many independent ladies out there! I’m most impressed with Ms Emirates for her guts and strength in traveling alone with no knowledge of Jap and with an almost 20kg backpack on her petite frame.....

Despite the $$ spent (and me having to work everyday to make up for it!), I do not regret it. This has been an extremely fulfilling trip for me even though it was just about a week long (minus the time on ferry). It has given me the encouragement to embark on more of such trips... to see the world.... to discover myself.... to discover what’s out there in store... Life’s too boring to be studying / working for the sake of a living.... I wouldn’t want my life to be memories of working to earn more $$ for a comfortable lifestyle, but rather that to be full of memorable memories and unforgettable experiences.... Even though reality is harsh, it’s a dream that I’m working towards to.....

Bao – Oct 17, 2004