Friday, December 31, 2004

McDonalds ~ I'm lovin' it

I wrote about my thots on working temp @McDonalds in Japan months back.... just sharing it with everyone now..

Am I loving it? Hmm…I’m not too sure…but I sure love the fries!I had a fair share fun & unhappiness at McDonalds. The money & job wasn’t that good but it beats surviving on savings. Can’t believe that I stayed on for 11.5 months when I wanted so much to quit during my 1st month there.

What’s the image of working in McDonalds? Almost everyone who knew about my job laughed about it. “Ah, so u’d get free burgers & fries?” “Do u say Good morning, may I have your order please?” etc. To set the record straight, there’s no freebies that comes with working here, tho depending on the manager on duty, we do get free food (it’s illegal!) sometimes. And I was based in the kitchen only since I can’t speak Jap well.

Why McDonalds? Not many would want to work for McDonalds in Spore, and I guess it’s the same for Japan, based on how poor their recruitment response is. I wanted a job near home with flexible hours so that I could have the time to study, and McDonalds fitted the bill then.

Armed with the standard phone conversation lines learnt in class, I called for an interview. Didn’t understand what she was saying, but managed to catch the date & time of interview anyway. I was so worried about the interview ~ practiced the standard interview lines we learnt in class umpteen times.Failed big time for the interview. The interviewer was speaking at Shinkansen speed while I was processing her lines at snail’s pace. Was like chicken & duck talk but somehow things worked out. The funny part’s that when she offered me the job, I didn’t even know coz I didn’t understand her! I wonder why she offered me the job then but am glad for the chance anyway.

Started work during the 1st week of January. Fresh start of the year or beginning of 11.5 mths of misery? To begin with, I’m a little princess at home. Household chores were rare tho staying alone now meant I had to do it, but 4 hours of washing at the sink? Well, that’s “Closing” at McDonalds ~ tonnes of washing. In addition, there’s the dreadful “Grill-down” which meant cleaning the grill plate. The first time I saw my colleague do it, I was a little concerned about the safety of it. He donned thick rubber gloves and put on those big plastic mask over his face like some firefighter and when he poured the cleaning detergent onto the grill, there were fumes… scary…From taking ages to do it coz I was so afraid of being scalded, to doing it within minutes w/o the use of the mask…I’ve come a long way man...(but I still dread it!) And washing / other cleaning duties? It’s something that I’ve learnt to like coz at least it’s a dead job.

Learning to make burgers was a little tough. I rarely eat burgers so remembering what’s in each type of burger was tough. Being Ms Blur, I made burgers using either the wrong meat or the wrong sauce! My classic cases? Bacon burger w/o the bacon or cheese burger w/o the cheese! Hahaha…luckily these mistakes were corrected on time! I hardly had the chance to do hands-on practice in the beginning as the assembly line was dominated by the seniors. I could only watch how they do it while I toast trays of buns. So I cherished every opportunity during closing slots to learn how to make the burgers.

In the beginning, McDonalds went by the stock method of making burgers, i.e. warming up the pre-made burger when there’s an order for it. When there’s no stock, the counter person would shout the order and we’ve to make it. Now, that’s a challenge. Their use of Katakana drove me nutz. “Nuggets” was pronounced as “Na-get-toe”. “Hamburger” was “Ba- Gar-“. “Cheese” was “chee- su”. I had problems understanding their order ~ took me ages to be used to the Japanese version of English. And they had problems understanding my English version of Katakana too…hahaha… To make things worse, they would often shout the list of orders non-stop as if we’ve a computer memory to remember them! Things finally became better when they went by the receipt method of making burgers in April coz the code used was English abbrev.

What’s toughest about the job was the environment. It was very intimidating ~ being the only foreigner there, hardly understanding what everyone said and made worse by the fact that the kitchen was male-dominated. I never considered those factors then. I was so enthusiastic to start work, to interact with the Japanese ~ so it came as a shock for me. Besides the managers and a few crew, the rest were either indifferent towards me or hostile. Some took every opportunity to pick on me, while others discreetly tried to help. My manager probably sensed it, coz she would often ask whether I’m ok, whether I’d cry at home after work. (of course not! But I was pretty affected by it…)

During peak periods, I was doing all the bits & ends of jobs ~ toasting buns, mopping floor etc… Felt very helpless when everyone’s busy while I’m idling coz I’m done with my work and can’t find anything else to do. They would often talk among themselves and it was quite difficult for me to join in the conversation. So I became the outcast there. It was emotionally tough then. I wanted very much to quit. But I didn’t want to just give up like this. So I decided to make the best out of the situation & since I’m the outcast, I might as well enjoy it as being in my own world…so music flowed in my mind at work, shutting out all unhappiness. Whenever they picked on me on anything, I’d remember it & make sure there’s no chance for them to do so a 2nd time.I’m lucky I had very nice managers & other co-workers who made life better.

Together with Evelyn, we gave them nicknames (of course w/o them knowing!) ;p There’s “Kodomo” who patiently taught me the basics & was always there to help me, and taught me the Kansai-ben ~ He’s a very crazy guy so it’s always very lively and fun at work when he’s around. But he was transferred away when his relationship with “Ice-queen” ended badly and they couldn’t work together.Then there’s “Chao-geng” who always joked and tried to speak English. His favorite question in English was “I’m a nice guy. Is Ak-kun (another mgr) a nice guy?” My response was always “No comments” and he’d start laughing at Ak-kun who’d be very embarrassed. And we liked to enact a particular advert that was shown then: “Chicken please. FISH ONLY” In exchange for teaching him English, he taught me Japanese. Two words he taught me were: “Ki-ai” (spirit) & “Kon-jyou” (willpower/fighting spirit). He said those 2 are “good words” (tho the rest of the crew thot otherwise!) and he often tested me on it. It was fun to have him around but he left in May. Another nice manager’s “O-xiang” who’s every gal’s dream boyfriend – boyish looks, smart, degree holder. But too young for me lah! He’s a workaholic and always full of zest. But he’s quite strict and rigid sometimes.

The female managers were often based at the counter, but do help out in the kitchen sometimes. The manager who interviewed me left in April. She’s nice but fierce ~ my stress level shot up with her around! Seems like the rest felt the same about her too since they joked less with her around.There’s the very pretty “Ice-queen” who has the most extreme mood swings but she’s very steady at work. Orders kept coming in but she kept her cool and did the orders steadily ~ if it’s the male managers, they’d be working on panic mode.And there’s “Sayuri”, “Nao” & “Ayumi” (not nicknames lah!) ~ very sweet & nice gals. They are based at the counter, but when there’re no customers we do chat a little. I enjoy reading what they write in the crew communication book ~ they share very sisterly bonds.

My favourite manager’s “San-ba” who’s very flexible, fun and caring. At times when I was down with personal problems, she’d try to encourage me. And doing openings/closings with her was the best ~ guaranteed freebies, be it drinks or burgers. Hmm… brings back memories of my last day of work. She was quite quiet in the morning when I came in, then she said something like “cannot cry ah!” and kept saying it’s sad that I’m leaving already. When it was finally time for me to go, she started crying. Haiz… seeing her in tears, I lost control too.

I remember my tutor telling us that it’s the “norm” to cry at graduations/farewells, that a person’s deemed weird if he/she doesn’t cry. At that time, I felt it was all so fake ~ crying for the sake of it. But now that I’ve been thru it myself, I realize that sometimes we just can’t help it! Well, we’d meet up again before I depart for Spore ~ gona drink to our hearts’ content.

After 3 months of work, I was finally “accepted” into the “McDonald’s family” in April when they invited me to a birthday celebration. At the celebration, tho I was “lost” half the time, I enjoyed observing the group. The gals/guys cliqued separately tho they behaved “without barriers” ~ feeding each other, close contact etc. I was a little taken aback when “Kodomo” wanted to feed me his birthday cake ~ “Ice-queen” laughed her head off when I told him I can eat it myself. They must be thinking this Sporean is weird. After this were a few more karaoke parties in May/June. The managers and crew just went crazy at those parties…very fun indeed. Tho it struck Eve & I that we are really old ~ like 2 aunties interacting with the youngsters...

The work environment improved after the bday party in April ~ and also partly because the whole bunch of seniors left around the same period. Nobody to pick on me & I had more opportunities to “hone my skills” in burger making. But sometimes the outlet boss would come and “help” (read: being extra!!) and he’d pick on us. It’s really irritating coz he’s more of a hindrance than help and yet he still wants to throw his weight around!

In came a few newcomers too, including Evelyn.It’s interesting to observe how the newcomers were being treated. Some managers simply just had to pick on them. What pissed me off sometimes were the double standards of managers. And the managers themselves being guilty of the same “mistake” that they had picked on the newcomers.

Goodness…I can go on and on bitching about the people at McDonalds…Used to bitch with Evelyn after work… better make a stop now huh? ;pHmm…overall feeling? I’m so glad it’s over. It’s goodbye to rough, peeling hands, oil scalds and “burnt weekends”. Working at weekend/public holiday lunch-slots was a killer and I always got that slot :( It messes up the whole weekend ~ No mood to study in the morning b4 work, and too tired after work to study, and lunch becomes high tea /dinner or no proper meals, so I’d just rot my weekend away. But it’s more interesting than working those boring afternoon/evening slots coz there’s nothing much to do and yet everyone had to act bz! Sometimes I wonder why I’m wasting my time there.

My lowest points in McDonalds were the Jan – Mar and July – Aug periods. Totally exhausted during April – June (tho it’s my happiest times there) and didn’t have much energy left for the following months. In addition, my personal problems in July made me too depressed to do anything. Sept – Oct was madness, worked like siao. It was much more exhausting than any other periods. I would be very stoned after work, yet can’t get to sleep so I ended up very tired and the vicious cycle went on. Sighz, it’s either because I’m old already, or because when a job becomes too routine, one becomes tired easily. I admire the rest who could do 4 + 4 hours shift there, and those who worked more than 4 hours almost every day there. I dun have that much energy! So I’m glad I’m “protected” by the work visa of 4 hours limit/day tho it meant I could earn less..

Am I lovin’ it? Now that I’ve thought thru it all…ya… maybe I do love it after all. It was a good experience. Observed and learnt a lot more than what books say about the Japanese culture. And I’ve made many friends there.

Today’s the first weekend since I quitted. Feels good to be able to sleep late, relax at home doing nothing ~ I certainly dun miss working!! Who does anyway? ;p

Bao – 21 Nov 2004

Heartbreaks in a foreign land

This was written months after my last heartbreak. I didn't feel sad about it anymore at that time.....just wanted to write my thots down.....to know what i was thinking then, to remind myself not to get myself into such a mess....and laugh at my own foolishness....

It’s tough to go thru heartbreaks…and I went thru 2 in a year in a foreign land. For both, I saw it coming but went for it anyway. Plain silly? Or too hopeful for miracles? I had always believed in loving a person and showering him with all my love & support. And I believed in letting a person know my feelings whether he reciprocates or not, coz it’s a blessing to be loved. I didn’t want to regret in future, wondering “what if …?” if I had reserved my feelings. But after these 2 heartbreaks… maybe I should reserve my feelings after all. When I’m too nice, they just take me for granted, and I end up being hurt most.

The 1st heartbreak was in Jan. The jerk and I was on a very vague 5-yrs on/off relationship. When I left for Japan, I held on to the hope that by the time I return, things can eventually work out between us since he’d be returning from Germany too. He called me almost every week no matter how short the call was. I was really looking forward to him coming over to Japan in Dec then. He was so serious about it, tho I had my doubts about his sincerity. Yet deep down in my heart, I was still hoping for a miracle.Well, as expected, he “disappeared” in Dec, reappearing in Jan without any mention of the proposed Japan trip. Then he dropped the bomb that he went overseas with someone else he liked in Dec. My heart sank. And that jerk, he obviously had intention of leading me on rite from the beginning. ‘Coz before telling me about that gal, he kept seeking my assurance that no matter what happened, we’d still maintain contact etc... And why did that jerk tell me about her? Well, he was experiencing problems with her, and wanted my support & advice.

Great...10 yrs of friendship, and he’s never mentioned the existence of this lady whom he’s been dating for almost a yr.Seeing him so upset, I didn’t bear to turn him away, so gave him some advice & encouragement. But that was it ~ the last time I’m gona be there for him. There’s a limit to my tolerance. I tried to shut him out of my life after that call (and he didn’t call me again after that anyway), until 4 months later when I saw him online again. Duno what came over me, but I decided to give him a piece of my mind.

Bombarded him with questions, and told him off ~ it’s obvious that I was really pissed off with him, but he tried to act blur, tried to avoid the topic, hinting that I’m probably in a bad mood. But no, I knew what I was doing. I finally found the courage to tell him it’s all over, that I no longer wish to have anything to do with him, not even as friends. We’ve had wonderful memories together…tho there were much more upsetting memories, but time has since healed it. It’s very difficult for me to end this but I had to do it. I needed a closure to all these in order to move on.

During Chinese New Year, Eve’s sister told her that if we throw 2 mandarin oranges into a river, and making a wish on our future partners, our wish will be answered. I had just suffered the blow from that jerk, so I thot… “no harm being superstitious for once”… so 2 of us crazy Sporeans went to throw oranges into a lake coz the river was too far ;p Eve wished for her current bf then (but kept it a secret until she really ended with him recently). I was vague coz I had no one in mind ~ just wished for someone who’d love me sincerely and treat me well. Probably that’s why being so vague, I’m still single! Hahahaa ;p

I had a summer romance (read: heartbreak) here. He’s probably a rebound from the jerk. And probably because I was still recovering from the jerk’s incident, I handled the whole thing very badly. Goodness… I was almost slipping into depression then. I’m glad to have friends who were there for me ~ Jaycee, despite being bz at work, talked to me online everyday. Eve, who made the effort to spend more time with me during this period. Liyuen, who checked on me every now & then. Without them, going thru this would have been really tough.Now that I look back, I find the whole affair very amusing. But I dun regret what I did. Even if it was a rebound, I did have some feelings for him, be a crush or not.

He’s one of the first few friends I befriended here. Very shy guy but quite funny at times. We were neighbours and we spent a lot of time together. The first 6 months was the happiest of all ~ often cooked & had dinner together, watched DVDs together, chatted till late nite and teaching him Chinese & piano. And all these were before the bomb from that jerk & my conclusion with him. I guess we were all lonely then and enjoyed having a companion with no strings attached.He moved out in April and I felt a sense of loss. We still met in school, talked occasionally and still had parties often. I was really happy to have him around.

After much consideration, I decided to give this a try. If it works out well, good. If not, just too bad. But he was gona return to Korea in October ~ leaving us with 3 months if things do work out. To me, time & location isn’t really a big factor. There’re people who maintain their relationship for years despite being miles apart, and people who break up even though they live in the same country. Either way, it depends on the couple’s will to keep it going. Because he’s so shy, he’d probably never make the first move even if he did liked me. Fine, I shall do it then.

First checked out his opinions on relationships etc ~ he was clearly very uncomfortable with the topic when I talked to him about it. His opinions? He’s so focused! The only thing on his mind was to get a job (career) then find a gf/wife. He’s been studying all these while and can’t wait to step into the working society. Balancing work & love was out of the question. I knew there and then this was a gone case.Anyway, we were supposed to have group outing 2 days after that but he gave lame excuses not to go when previously he was so on about it. I knew he was avoiding me, and I cried my heart out. After thinking it thru, I decided there’s no point crying over it ~ all I wanted was to save the situation. So I went to “confront” him…The “confrontation”.... hahaha… it’s like watching a drama!

We went to look for him at the student dorm. Should see how shocked he was to see us. He was watching TV at the kitchen then. But the moment we came, he was a little tensed up and soon after wanted to return to his room. And we followed him! While walking back to his room, I asked him for a little chat. Evelyn then conveniently disappeared, leaving us alone in his room.Here comes the drama script ~ I find it quite dumb but it’s really approx what we said then…hahaha ;p

He still kept asking what to chat about... then I said "Debrief for Tuesday’s outing". And he went "huh? What debrief?"
Me: Think things I said on Tues made u a little uncomfortable and I wana clear things up...
K: Huh? What things?
Me: Huh? U mean u never realized anything?
K: No... nothing…
Me: Ok, I dropped big hints…
K: Hmm… (silence)
Me: Ok, for my character, when I like somebody, I’d let that person know even if he doesn’t like me, and I dun expect anything in return. And I wana tell u that I like you.
K: (shocked face, but smiling away)
Me: What about you?
K: You are a friend to me.
Me: Have you ever liked me?K: I’m still searching for the right woman. (*this guy fails English comprehension!!)
Me: it’s ok. We’d still be like before?
K: Umm... (nods head)
Me: ok, done! Let’s go for XX-san’s drinking party now! (^_^)V

We acted as if nothing happened after that. Everything’s fine until he kept giving lame excuses again not to attend one of our gatherings weeks later. I knew it then that he hasn’t gotten over it. And it upset me very much. I was so full of optimism that things were back to normal ~ how naïve I was. Why didn’t I understand that some things will never be the same again? That’s the time I started to slip into depression. During that gathering, Ms Alcoholic ~ me! ~ finished the whole big bottle of plum liqueur undiluted coz it’s so delicious & gave more kick as well ;p Luckily it wasn’t anything stronger than that, else I’d probably be dead from liver failure! Broke out in red patches and got the rest of the Spore gang very worried that nite. Wonder how I managed to go to school on time the next day tho I was clearly very depressed from then on…Liyuen started coming over everyday after that to get me to jog with her. Guess it’s her way of checking on me, and keeping my spirits up…it did help in a way, talking to friends, jogging…

I finally recovered in Aug after Eve’s bday when she told him off & he apologized to me the next day. Come to think of it, he didn’t do anything wrong actually…hmm… why the apology huh? Things did go back to normal to a certain extent btw us after that. He’s since returned to Korea, but we do talk online occasionally, but I wonder when he can talk to me w/o having a favor to ask of me!He’s a very nice guy, and it’s just too bad that things didn’t work out. Probably it’s a blessing in disguise that it didn’t work out after all coz it’d be especially tough on me if we do plan to progress the relationship. I mean, to begin with, anything Korean doesn’t interest me the least bit ~ imagine having to stay in Korea for the rest of my life?!! and tho he’s older than me, thinking-wise… he’s still not that matured ~ not reached the level of maturity that I seek for in a guy, but I still liked him anyway…

OK, that’s my silly little love saga for my ¼th of a century year. Strange, why wasn’t my love life as interesting when I was in Spore? It all had to happen when I’m here. A tough year in love, but I’ve since gotten over it ~ able to talk and laugh at the whole saga without tears. But I admit that after these, I’m a little tired and afraid of relationships now though I long to settle down. Sighz…when will my knight in shining armour appear?

Bao – 16 Nov 04

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Memories

Spent my whole day doing spring-cleaning. Not that my room's in such a mess that i need the whole day, but rather i'm trying to find space in preparation for the 2 boxes of stuff arriving from Japan soon. So i had to go thru my stuff more thoroughly, tried to get rid of as much stuff as i can....

Doing spring-cleaning is a gd chance to walk down memory lane ~ I found many things that i didn't know i have..... and face memories that i tried to put away, e.g. memories of the 2 guys in my life then.... i read the letter from my ex when we parted & looked through the cards he had given me.... he really loved me then.... yet i chose to give him up.... I still can't bear to throw these stuff, but did dump away most of our photos....

As for memories of that jerk, it's in the rubbish bin now except for a really old photo of his.... just keeping it to remind myself not to fall for such a jerk again!I found the letters of my Korean penpal ~ it's been almost 6 years since our last correspondence. And also found letters from CK, my JC pal. That guy really took lots of effort to make birthday & christmas cards for me.... found cards from my primary & secondary school friends as well..... I thot of using this period of free time I have at home to write to them.....to find out how everyone's doing.... It's kind of silly to write when everyone's in Spore & calling is faster, but i thot writing is more fun....

Found my file on SMP & it brought back memories of the years i served as a volunteer there.... hmm.... maybe i should organize a gathering to get the Queenstown SMP together....So many things i want to do.... all related to resuming contact with old friends....I've been back for 2 weeks, but only met up with Jaycee & Pris. Not really enthusiastic about meeting up with friends..... still very much in my own world....

Monday, December 27, 2004

Life is so unpredictable


The loss of lives and damage caused by the devastating earthquake & tsunami never quite affected me when i read the news in the morning. Was rushing off to interview, too engrossed with my own thots on my future. What happened to my neighbouring countries isn't really any concern of mine.....very indifferent...heartless some might say....but that's me sometimes. But the deaths....it got me thinking about the meaning of life & death again...

Bought the book "The Pianist" today. Saw the film in Japan recently (dubbed), and watched it again few days ago. Couldn't resist and started reading it the moment i bought it. Reading it, relating it to scenes in the film.....the scenes of how the Jews were brutally murdered in cold-blood, the lives of the people being affected.... Halfway thru the book...i just couldn't continue on with it.....

Just saw on news the damage caused by the earthquake. The scene of a woman carrying her dead infant crying for help, the bodies lined on the ground..... read online news of the deathtoll of 23,000 ~ thot i had saw the number wrongly. Imagine happily walking along the beach with your loved ones, and the next moment everyone's dead. Or doing your daily chores & be dead the next moment....

Life is so unpredictable ~ we do not know when Death will come to claim us.....We should live life to the fullest now....go for our dreams now.....why plan for the future when we don't even know whether we can live to see the future that we visioned for ourselves?But what if we do live long enough to live the future we visioned, and realise to our horror that we've been ill-prepared for it in the past?And that brings up the question of the meaning of life ~ to live for now or for the future? and what's the purpose of living? I never quite found the answer to the purpose of life ~ and i guess i'd never will. And nope, i'd not turn to religion to find my answers....

Job Hunt blues...

Went for 2 interviews with job agencies today. I’m getting quite sick of these interviews tho it’s an opportunity for me to practice Jap conversational skills ;p Most tell me the same thing ~ “it’s year end, not much hiring now.” “limited positions in HR that requires Jap speaking skills, unless at managerial level”

The first interview today was relaxing & we discussed the job market.It seems that Jap-speaking positions here are generally categorized into 4 groups: technical skills (IT/Engineering), secretarial & admin, translation, and sales. I’m not into sales, and don’t have the technical skills. So that leaves me with admin & translation, of which I’m not that keen on translation coz it doesn’t give me the opportunity to speak the language. I’m not sure if I would enjoy working as a secretary to some mgr / MD, or admin clerk supporting the sales team. My previous job had some element of secretarial/admin work in it, but what kept me there was the opportunity to interact with almost everyone in the company, and doing something related to my HR studies.

I’ve to make a choice between a Jap-speaking job & a HR job. And it doesn’t help that I am still waiting for the outcome of my application for the ALT position. All these are driving me crazy ~ how do I proceed from here?I toyed around with the idea of WWOOFing ~ it’s what I had thought of doing when I was back in Japan then. It’s like a home-stay programme, with an added clause of work in exchange for food & lodging. A very interesting concept that gives me the opportunity to learn some new skills, experience the Jap culture and speak Japanese.

I briefly mentioned it to dad & bro. At first they seemed rather excited & supportive, thinking that it’s some internship in a Jap company in Japan. But once I told them it’s probably farm work or restaurant....could see that they aren’t that supportive, but didn’t raise any objections tho....It’s a crazy idea ~ abandoning the relatively luxurious lifestyle I have here for a harsher environment in a foreign land, working on farms or in restaurants / pension houses. But it’s only for a short period of time (less than 3 mths), and I believe strongly that no matter how it turns out to be, it’d serve to be a very good experience for me.

If I really decide to go for this, I’d prob take up a contract position that lasts till April, then go WWOOFing in May for a month or 2. If I get the ALT position, I’ve to go to Japan in July. If not, I’d probably stop bumming around and settle down to a boring perm job. Or I might just continue with my idea of working a few months, then go travel / wwoofing (if my initial stint turns out well).Sigh....what should I do? :(