A Sudden Storm

Totally unexpected. Thought it was the end....

I'm not talking about any natural disasters. It's about my relationship. He initiated a break-up. I was devastated. I wondered what went wrong.

Sunday (28/8) - We were happily chatting over the phone on Sunday about my coming trip to Kagoshima.

Monday (29/8) - I told him (via email) about my blog, teasing him whether he could handle it if i wrote about other guys. He didn't reply me on that & M.I.A the next day.

Wednesday (31/8) - He emailed me as per normal, as if nothing happened. Later i asked him how he fared for his exam. No replies.

Thursday (1/9) - In the morning, he wrote to me, with no mention of results. Just a line saying that we don't understand each other and we should start from being good friends.

I was at work then, chatting with my friends on msn during lunch when i saw his email. Shocked. I didn't know how to react. Had a hard time holding back my tears coz i didn't want anyone in office to know. I replied him, asking why he said that out of the blue. I thought he had misunderstood that I'm seeing someone else, so i assured him otherwise. Still no reply.

I was going crazy ~ keeping my cool at work yet my emotions & thoughts were running wild. My jie-mei & another frd who were chatting on msn me then tried to calm me down, advising me what to do. But it was too upsetting to think or talk about it, so i ended the msn chats. For the rest of the day i just kept checking my mailbox ~ impossible to concentrate at work.

Back home, there were still no reply. By then I had calmed down a little. And felt more angry than upset. How could he just say "start from good friends" without giving a more valid reason, and explaining why the sudden decision? And he just MIA after that? Another jie-mei tried to cheer me up, but i was just sianz... just so disappointed with him. I told myself that if he really insists on starting from good friends, I'd say it's the end of everything. Forget about being friends. I even started making back-up plans for my trip coz I can't cancel the air-ticket.

Couldn't sleep the whole night... Cried....Kept checking my mailbox for his reply...

Friday (2/9) - I emailed him again in the morning. Think I've sent him a total of 5 emails already since Thurs. Way too many i feel, so i decided that if he still doesn't reply me by end of the day, I'd take it that it's over between us.

I've had enough nonsense from the jerk of 5 years, suffered enough from mixed signals of 2 other guys. I'd rather end this & move on instead of dragging on as "good friends" with feelings & strings attached. But I still want to try saving this relationship now.

He finally replied in the afternoon, saying he failed his exam. He wants to concentrate on his studies & can't cope with a relationship. My guy friend felt that he's blaming me for his failure. I didn't see it that way. I felt it was more of him suffering from low-esteem after failing the paper. I know some will feel it's very selfish of him to do this ~ blame me for his failure & choose his studies over me. But wouldn't he be even more selfish if he wants to hold on to me, but make me wait years for him to pass his exam & study in University for at least 4 - 6 years?

I was relieved & worried to get his reply. Relieved because I finally know his reason, and to me, that reason (read: problem) can be solved. But I was worried at the same time because I didn't know if he's still bent on ending it. I wanted to "remind" him of his promise that he'd never give me up but decided against it. It just doesn't seem the right thing to do. Now he needs more encouragement than scolding/emotional blackmail.

I replied him a long email, assuring him that I don't mind his education/occupation, that I'd always be there to encourage him + lots of other mushy stuff lah.. hehehe... It's not just a measure from me to save this relationship, it's also to re-assure him that I'm serious about this relationship. And it worked. He finally understood it. But he didn't reply me till late evening because he's working...

That silly boy admitted that in a state of panic, he thought of a break-up. And admitted that he only thought about himself (*knock his head ah!* So selfish!!!) . He apologized to me for 2 days. He also became more loving from then on (*^-^*)

Now - We're still as loving as before. This storm made me realise how much Teru means to me. We may be miles apart & our relationship is based mostly on emails & weekly calls, but i can feel that our feelings for each other is still strong. I hope things will continue to be smooth sailing for us....