There’s a limit to one’s tolerance. I’ve reached mine, so it’s time to go. It just isn’t worth it ~ to carry on for the sake of pride, bond repayment & employment record at the expense of my overall well-being. I don’t want to end up a nervous wreak, fleeing at the sight of umbrellas, shivering & crying when people open umbrellas in front of me. It’s irrational, mad behavior. Every smile then was forced & fake. Life was meaningless there.
I had a wonderful team working with me, but that alone isn’t enough to lift my spirits. And I had to deal with the other team who gives me nothing but trouble. I was just miserable there. Family & friends cheered me up momentarily. The rest was up to me. Being unhappy and troubled meant I became more temperamental than usual, and that affected my relationship. I started quarrels with my bf over trivial matters, just because I’m feeling frustrated with everything.
Initially I rejected the opportunity to resign (in May) because I wanted to go through all the s*** with the guides. I didn’t want to affect the already low morale there. And I hoped to be there for them. But after many incidents at work, I realized it’s useless. After so long, they’ve learnt to cope with it despite the low morale. And I’d say some of them just aren’t worth my care & concern. My departure wouldn’t affect them much since they’ve found their own sources of support. As for those I care for, I’d continue to do so from Singapore.
I spoke to my manager in June about my resignation, and I returned to Singapore on 13 July. I announced it to my team on 8 July. They were shocked but happy for me. Everyone can’t wait to leave, but for various reasons they are still there. On 9 July I announced to the other team, who reacted with shock & dissuaded me from resigning because of the costs involved ~ I had to pay a huge sum for breaking the bond. But there’s no turning back. And I’ve no wish of turning back.
My 2nd last day was the most memorable. We wore our yukata & took lots of photos before going for sushi dinner together. The night before I left we had a simple home-cooked dinner together. And that’s it ~ my last night in Japan, as a Spore Pavilion guide (read: Slave). I couldn’t get to sleep that night…probably too excited about going home. It’s such a big contrast when I left Japan in December last year, when I was so sad about leaving, that I cried myself to sleep.
I do not regret taking up this job. Yes, it was tough emotionally, mentally & physically. And my Japanese proficiency didn’t improve at all. However I did gain from this work experience ~ how to lead a team, deal with our manager & the stupid management up there, interacting with people from all walks of life. In addition I had the opportunity to travel ~ Takayama, Ise-shima, Kagoshima. But I guess my biggest gain from this job is the chance to meet my boyfriend. If not for this Expo, I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet him (through my internet friend). But no, contrary to what many suggest, I wouldn’t stay till end of Expo just for the sake of being in Japan with him. Coz he’s in Kagoshima, which is very far from the Expo (12 hrs by bus from Osaka, add in another 4 hrs from Osaka to Expo). Considering the distance & cost, I might as well maintain our relationship from Singapore!
I’m waiting for my ex-colleagues to send me photos of the Expo coz I didn’t take much over there. I’d post them here one day, to let you see the place & our working/living conditions. We don’t call ourselves slaves for nothing!
No comments:
Post a Comment