This week's been rather crazy physically & emotionally.
On Monday I rushed down for interview after school. The night before my mind was filled with model answers to what I guess the interviewers would ask so I didn't sleep well. On Tuesday I met my friend for shopping & dinner after school and reached home at almost 11pm. There was a school excursion trip to the S'pore River on Wed. The trip was quite fun & educational but tiring due to the super hot weather. Back in school by 2pm and I went off to meet my friend for another round of shopping & dinner & visiting my "pet rabbit" till 11pm+. Quite happy I bought a cheerful pretty dress at Bugis Village for only $23.40! I guess all the walking made me very hungry and I over-ate that day and ended up vomiting at night. Knocked out by 11pm after taking medication for stomach problems.
In case you are wondering, my "pet rabbit" is that brown rabbit mentioned in my previous post. My poor little "大黄" is still under treatment for skin problem. He's been sick for 2 weeks. Apparently he's allegic to the bedding used and scratched his neck until it bled and the fur on it dropped off. I felt so sad to see him in that condition. During the visit on Wed, I managed to ask more about his condition from the vet on duty. She told me the air-con in the shop was spoilt for about a week and the warm conditions in the shop worsened his skin problem. She told me she couldn't sleep at night too coz her mind was on 大黄, especially coz he's losing weight despite eating normally. After the chat with her, I'm comforted to know he's under good care and will recover (though it takes time). She also assured me they will not send it to SPCA or put it to sleep if it isn't sold off. I wish I could cuddle 大黄 and tell him he'll be fine soon!
Tired from 2 consecutive nights of staying up late, I was quite short-tempered yesterday. It didn't help that I had 5 hours of Sec 1 English lessons at one go with a short 30mins break in between. The Sec 1 students are mostly monkeys with some showing traits of a monster. The 1st two classes in the morning were ok. After recess, the monkeys started their nonsense, causing me to be very frustrated & sarcastic. To me, if you aren't interested to learn, then your mind can switch off but don't disturb those who wants to learn. But all these irresponsible & selfish monkeys wanted the whole class to suffer. Many times I just stood there waiting for them to shut up. By the 4th lesson my throat was painful and I didn't have the voice to talk loudly and lost my patience with them.
The condemned Sec 1 repeat boy who wrote a written threat to me challenged me openly in class today. The school gave everyone chocolate coins for Chinese New Year and the students asked if they could eat it in class. I disallowed as it's part of the school rules. This condemned one remarked loudly he'll eat it in class and that I can go complain to the principal and see what happens coz he's not afraid. Although he tried to encourage the rest to eat it in class as an act of defiance against me, none did it. I'm not sure if they are afraid of getting into trouble or they dislike him too coz I heard he's been bullying his classmates. This monster has serious social problems. I hope he solves his problems through professional help soon or risk being hacked to death by gangs one day for his irritating behavior.
My only encouragement this week came from a Sec 1 boy in the same class as the condemned one who told me I'm the only teacher he respects. He didn't give me the reason why but I guessed it's because I'm usually cheerful during lessons, so much so that he asked me why I'm always smiling. He also asked me how I could tolerate the noise level, to which I answered I treat everyone as invisible. It isn't the best answer from a teacher but it made him laugh. When he was done with his work he told me "Miss Chan, I'm going into my own world for 30sec to be away from the noise." I think that's his way of telling me he's also going to treat everyone as invisible for a while.
Mon, Wed & Fri is my time with the upper Sec monsters. Today's lesson with the Sec 3 was frustrating. There's this fat asshole who causes trouble for us at every lesson. Today's no exception. I don't know why the moment I stepped into class, he spouted vulgarities in between asking where my co-teacher is. Then he stood very close up in front of me, challenging me to a 1-to-1 fight. I just ignored him and secretly hoped that he'll be beaten to death one day.
None of monsters paid attention during previous lessons and couldn't do the worksheet today. And only a handful of them brought their textbook. When we were at the computer lab, those idiots defied instructions and kept chatting on msn, play games, surf internet. When warnings failed, I switched off the monitor, but the moment i walked off, they switched it on. I was so fed up I just switched off the CPU or the main switch. That's when I would hear even more vulgarities. Out of a class of 34, there were only about 4 students who listened and did their work diligently during lesson. The rest? Condemned.
There's this very grouchy teacher in school who hardly smiles and treated me as invisible when we were doing group discussion on my first day of work. I don't know what's her problem then. Now I think I know why. She complains about the students everyday. I could feel her frustrations with the monsters through her daily complaints. She always say things like "What do they think they are?! So rude, say all the vulgarities! Give up on these people! I can't spend time on these trouble-makers and ignore those who wants to learn!!"
I feel the same too. Why waste time on people who don't want to learn at the expense of those who wants to learn? If you aren't interested to learn, so be it. At the end of the day it's your own problem when you fail your exams. If you want to act like a hooligan and offend others and get beaten up, hacked to death or sent to prison, it's also not my problem. That's the attitude I have towards these scums of society. And that's why I know I'm not suitable to teach because I don't want to try loving these scums. It's better for me to leave teaching for the sake of the students and myself. May they meet better teachers who love them for who they are.
Finally it's the long-awaited weekend. 3 more days of teaching to go next week and I'm released from hell!
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