Looking back on 2008

To me this year consists of 8 months of activities, 4 months of doing nothing, many months of uncertainty, worries & depression in between and finally hope & optimism towards the end.

The year started with me feeling uncertain about my decision to be with a foreigner and move overseas. Having to quit the job I enjoyed and leaving my family & friends to start from scratch overseas made me rather depressed. I couldn't help feeling why I had to do all these sacrifices for someone whom I gradually began to feel probably isn't right for me after all. I regret not working out these issues with him earlier.

After a trip together in March, he went back while I stayed in S'pore to prepare for the big move overseas. That was a bad idea I guess coz the 2 months of doing nothing at home in April & May made me even more 'homesick', more unwilling to move overseas. I finally moved over in June in a depressed state.

Not being emotionally & mentally prepared to start new overseas killed the relationship in a flash. He tried to help me adapt but I just couldn't do it. Frustrated with my life there, I began to find fault with him. Everyday I was just waiting for the day to come back. Then my family went over for a holiday in mid-June. The 1 week holiday around Japan with them, away from him and the island, cheered me up for a short while. After that was back to a sad, directionless life.

Finally towards end July he told me to come back to sort out my thinking/feelings etc. 2 weeks after my return things turned very bad between us so we decided to end it. It's meaningless to keep it going if both parties aren't willing to compromise and the love has died. We still have a long way ahead of us. Instead of holding on to something just for the sake of it, might as well let go and search for another future. With an answer to the problem, I could finally move on with a direction in life.

August to October was all about job-hunting and catching up with friends. It was both a time of heartache and hope. I had difficulties facing my friends who gave me their blessings for my relationship and telling them why it ended. I also had to explain to job interviewers why I remained unemployed for 6 mths & assuring them I'm back for good. All the above meant I had to talk about the failed relationship.

Hope came in form of a new job. Not exactly a big career switch since I've been in the education industry for 2 years but the environment is totally different. However, switching to it means it's very difficult to go back to HR. I decided to go ahead with it. Passed the interviews and was offered the job starting in 2 Jan 2009. That gave me 3 months of relaxation at home.

I went to Taipei & HongKong for a great holiday in end-October. November & December was spent doing nothing at home again. The main project then was doing up my room and enjoying the rest of my break before I start work. I started with a major spring-cleaning, throwing or donating almost everything related to him or the relationship. Then I bought new things to make the room look slightly different. During this period I started going out with someone who encouraged me a lot and made me happy most of the time. Plagued by relationship problems for the 1st 3/4 of the year, I'm glad towards the end it's all sweet happy memories.

As you can see, 2008 for me is all about a failing relationship, job-hunting and doing nothing at home. Seems very negative huh? But I learnt a lot from it all. An expensive lesson some would say but I don't regret much. It made me a stronger person with a clearer direction on what I want in life. It was a good thing that I have a practice of saving 1/5 of my salary every month. The savings accumulated over the years allowed me to live a jobless life for 9 months and I could still afford to go shopping & travelling. Important lesson here: 'One must always save up for rainy days!'

I hope 2009 is a more positive year with a blossoming relationship and fulfilling job. And I wish everyone a great new year ahead too.

Happy New Year!