What was your guess on whether my bf replied my email on Sat?
The answer is.....HE went MISSING after that!!! (as expected?) No emails from him the whole Sunday, and i didn't email him, wanting to see what he would do, especially when Sunday is our weekly call day. I was really upset that he went missing, and my mind was thinking about what I should do about it.
Tell him off? Tolerate? I wonder how a long-distance relationship with minimal communication can work. I'm very worried that one day the feelings would just die off because we're so used to each other's absence...
But I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that my boyfriend isn't gona be like the typical S'porean boyfriend (those who'd call/msg u regularly type). B'coz in the end i still dropped him an email on Monday morning, asking about his day. Hinted that I'm disappointed that we missed our call, but i didn't question him on his disappearance. I feel there's no point in questioning him, or picking up fights with him over this. I can guess his reasons/excuses ~ tired, bz with work, family-related stuff etc...
Surprise! He replied that email, but no mention of the missed call. He's probably trying to avoid the topic. That's what he's good at ~ avoid when he doesn't know what to answer. If i want an answer, i've to ask him straight in the face. Oh, about that reply, he thanked me for the parcel i sent him. So I wonder if he'd bother to reply me if he didn't receive anything. That's the contradictory side of me ~ on one hand i'm happy that he replied, on the other hand i doubt his sincerity in replying...
I've a friend who has a male Japanese friend. Their relationship is more than friends, so i guess she expects him to behave like her bf. Apparently she's facing the same problem as me. Her bf is always MIA too. She went around asking her Japanese friends & some S'porean guys about this MIA behavior.
Here's what she found out/concluded:
Japanese guys would contact you regularly in the beginning coz the relationship isn't stable yet. Once it's more stablized, they'd start with their disappearing acts. And why do they disappear? Because they are busy with work. Busy earning $$. And we don't have to worry about them finding another gf coz they don't have the time.
Japanese guys dare to start with these disappearing acts because they feel that now their gf knows how busy they are, and (their gf) would be understanding towards their MIA acts. I think "expect gf to be understanding" would be more appropriate. Ok, we'll be nice understanding gfs, but can't they be more understanding towards our feelings?
I went to some Japan forum sites to find out more about Japanese guys. I want to know if it's my bf who has a problem or is it the same for most? Most discussions ended up with the same conclusion as above.
Now I know I'm not alone. The question is, can i be the understanding gf that he expects me to be? I've been trying to be as understanding as I can, but he had better not test my limit...
2 comments:
Hey Princess, reading your blog entry gives me a feeling of deja vu... :)
I had my issues with my ex-GF, y'know, long distance relationship stuff (US-Singapore). In my case, I felt that both parties had been drawn away by our responsibilities at work and at home, plus it didn't help that I was in the midst of my heavy-laden major coursework. So it took about nearly a year before I could openly admit that there's a lingering sense of apathy in our relationship.
I suggest you give it some time (not as much as I gave mine tho), and think hard about it. Apathy ("bo-chup-ness") is dangerous because that's when people start questioning "Is he/she right for me?" ... I understand some couples have a deeper connection - that was what I felt lacking. Of cos, there were some other related factors but I'm not gonna bore you with that. I just wanna be sure that you understand that side of the LDR road. :o
Be prompt and short with some of your mails to him, keep it simple, with perhaps a "I understand you're busy, but I am worried about you getting enough sleep/food/rest-time, so if you can pop me an e-mail, I'd appreciate it. Love, XOXOXO blah blah blah"... if his though-process anything like how I think most guys would think, he won't feel "pressured" (it's entirely not a bad thing, but most guys - like yours truly - have a natural desire to avoid responsibilities and live the moment instead) and will probably reply with a quick "Thanks hon, Love XOXOXOXO blah blah blah"... :)
I hope you didn't tell him about your blog... coz it's gonna make him even more "pressured"... hee ^_^
Well, don't fret, sweetie! Here's some really nice Korean animation to cheer you up! I simply LURRRRVE this!
http://www.sambakza.net/amalloc/amalloc_main.htm
eheh, I was in my Intercultural communications class, and like, we were studying something about "high context" and "low context" communication...and like, yea, i guess singapore falls in low context communication, and japan is like in high context communication...which means like ummm, hehe this might take a while so brace yourself...
which means umm, that japanese talk in circles and stuff like that, and like that they are umm, pretty much pampered because they expect everyone to understand what's going on, for example, an american husband and a japanese wife...they are on a drive, and like they stop at a convenience store...the husband says "imma go get a drink" and wife is like "okie" husband comes back, and the wife gets mad...why?
reason...the husband didn't buy his wife a drink as well...
why didn't he? wife didn't ask him to buy a drink...but the husband is pretty stupid for not getting his wife a drink as well...cuz normally husband would get wife drink as well..at least, that what i think...that was a pretty bad exapmle given in class, but you know...but anyways....
japanese expect things without saying it... while low context communication users say everything...o.O does that make sense? hehe. maybe i should just scan my printout and the pages in my book for you to read...it'd prolly be way easier that way...
but anyways... back to my explination... japanese people are basically spoiled little kids...compared to other cultures...expecting things without saying anything directly...ugh...that part kinda makes me mad...but i have to deal with it...hehe...
but that has nothing to do with japanese guys and their attitudes about relationships...
hmm...lets see...
how bout this...
i have some friends, and they are in relationships :)
and like umm...hahaha
at school they act like they don't know eachother o.O wtf is that dude...i just totally don't understand... ugh... i think its the whole PDA(public display of affection) deal...like you know how it's taboo in japan? o.O yea, that just makes people from like america so lonely...cuz when you are in america, you meet your friend's and they're like "DANIEL!" *BIG HUG* and stuff like that...*sigh* (^_^)but when its a guy...its REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE! hehe...it's like "dude! what are you doing! don't touch me!" *shiver*...that is why guys in america don't touch eachother (^_^)
but still, that has nothing to do with the dissapearing acts...huh...
i'm all out of ideas.. byebye
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