I thot the 2 weeks trip to Kagoshima would strengthen our relationship. I thot he'd treasure me even more. I thot we could work out our future plans together. I thot it all wrong.
The trip did strengthen our love, but with it came the "take for granted" mentality. I don't know if he treasures me more, but he sure isn't showing signs of it. In fact, it's all "take for granted" behavior from him. I know I'm partially at fault, coz i start to expect more from him. Hmm...no, i think i still expect the same, i.e daily emails & having our weekly calls. We used to do this. But after this trip, the calls have been missed again & again because he's too busy. And he don't even bother to tell me he's not free for the call, and i end up waiting for hours.
Yesterday when I told him I felt uneasy about our future, and asked him about our future, whether he saw a future in us, he refused to answer. Instead he replied that his parents are disappointed with my behavior, that I'm not following Japanese culture.
I cried. I cried because they didn't know the mental torture I went through there, and now they criticize me for not following their culture. I'm a SINGAPOREAN with CHINESE roots!! When I saw that email, I told myself I'd not go there for homestay again if I can help it.
I've been thinking a lot about our relationship. Love alone isn't adequate to keep this going. Commitment from both sides is very important. Here I am, committing 101% to this relationship, making the effort to keep it alive, while the other party just continues with his disappearing acts. What pisses me off is his reluctance to answer me on issues on our relationship. When he avoids answering me, I can't move on. Because my future plans would be affected by our future plans. Why can't he see that?
I'm very tired by all these ~ the waitings, the disappearances, the avoidances...
Maybe it's time to let go...
1 comment:
As a fair warning - if he's the only son, then he's a mama's boy... without exacting independence from his parents (japanese roots indeed), the chances of him giving in to them are slim. Just let you know my opinion first.
Hon, as much as I happy that you can "klik" with, I suggest you think long and hard abt how far your relationship's gone the beaten path in this case. All relationships have turmoil, and if you quit now, you won't know how far he is willing to endure. At the same time, are you ready to give in and learn their ways? Japanese of our parents' generation and earlier (IMO) have been long known to be rather stubborn about their ways and like to resist change. You might be obliged to feel that their way is the only way. Can you handle that? Wait, don't give me an answer just yet. Think about your OWN mental and spiritual capacity to commit to that. Consider this coolly and carefully.
Purge anger and emotion from your mind first - Think logically!!! Then slowly, introduce emotions into it. This is more than just "I luff you, you luff me", k? After giving it considerable thought, talk to him about it. Make it clear (guys usually prefer it clear cut) that you are apologetic that his parents feel that way, but both of you will have to make arrangements to get this to work out. He should try to explain how he feels about things, like what he is not comfortable with etc - it's a learning process on BOTH ends (he hasn't met your parents yet, right?). Do it calmly but not detached... coz you don't wanna let him get the idea that you are ready to break yet - not until you hear him out (I'm working on both sides of the coin here ;)
Wishing I was there with ya... take good care of yourself! *gives Princess Bao a pat on the head*
Edz
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